"Wherein have I failed? When have you ever temperately tried to set me
aright, seeing my errors?"
"There it is--the plausible tongue always. 'When have I done this, or
that, or the other?' It is not one thing that has been done, madam, but
ten thousand left undone! What did I need--having lands, money,
position--to make me the chief gentleman of Tryon County, and this house
of mine the foremost mansion west of Albany, once Sir William was dead?
Naught but a wife who should share my ambitions, enter into my plans,
gladly help to further my ends! I choose for this a wife with a pretty
face, a pretty manner, a tidy figure which carries borrowed satins
gracefully enough--as I fancy, a wife who will bring sympathy and
distinction as well as beauty. Well, I was a fool! This precious wife of
mine is a Puritan ghost who gazes gloomily at me when we are alone, and
chills my friends to the marrow when they are ill-advised enough to visit
me. She looks at the wine I lift to my lips, and it sours in the glass.
She looks into my kennels, and it is as if turpentine had been rubbed on
the hounds' snouts. This great house of mine, which ought of right to be
the gallant centre of Valley life and gayety, stands up here, by God! Like
a deserted churchyard. Men avoid it as if a regicide had died here. I
might have been Sir Philip before this, and had his Majesty's commission
in my pocket, but for this petticoated skeleton which warns off pleasure
and promotion. And then she whines, 'What have I done?'"
"You are clever enough, Philip, to have been anything you wanted to be, if
only you had started with more heart and less appetite for pleasure. It is
not your wife, but your wine, that you should blame."
"Ay, there it comes! And even if it were true--as it is not, for I am as
temperate as another--it would be you who had driven me to it."
"What folly!"
"Folly, madam? By Heaven, I will not--"
"Nay, listen to me, Philip, for the once. We may not speak thus frankly
again; it would have been better had we freed our minds in this plain
fashion long ago. It is not poor me, but something else, that in two years
has changed you utterly. To-day you could no more get your mind into the
same honest course of thoughts you used to hold than you could your body
into your wedding waistcoat. You talk now of ambitions; for the moment you
really think you had ambitions, and because they are only memories, you
accuse me. Tell me truly, what were your ambitions? To do nothing but
please yourself--to ride, hunt, gamble, scatter money, drink till you
could drink no more. Noble aspirations these for which to win the sympathy
of a wife!"
Philip had turned himself around in his chair, and was looking steadily at
her. She found the courage to stand resolute under the gaze and return it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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