And these men, honest, fair-minded gentlemen as they were in other
affairs, would toss me aside like a broken pipe if I ventured to challenge
their sympathy as against this empty-headed, satined, and powdered
stranger. They had known and watched me all my life. My smallest action,
my most trivial habit, was familiar to them. They had seen me grow before
their eyes--dutiful, obedient, diligent, honest, sober, truthful. In their
hearts they knew that I deserved all these epithets. They themselves time
out of mind had applied them to me. I stood now, at my early age, and on
my own account, on the threshold of a career of honorable trade, surely as
worthy now as it was when Sir William began at it far more humbly. Yet
with all these creditable things known to them, I could not stand for a
moment in their estimation against this characterless new-comer!
Why? He was a "gentleman," and I was not.
Not that he was better born--a thousand times no! But I had drawn from the
self-sacrificing, modest, devoted man of God, my father, and the resolute,
tireless, hard working, sternly honest housewife, my mother, the fatal
notion that it was not beneath the dignity of a Mauverensen or a Van Hoorn
to be of use in the world. My ancestors had fought for their little
country, nobly and through whole generations, to free it from the accursed
rule of that nest of aristocrats, Spain; but they had not been ashamed
also to work, in either the Old World or the New. This other, this
Englishman--I found myself calling him that as the most comprehensive
expletive I could use--the son of a professional butcher and of an
intriguing woman, was my superior here, in truth, where I had lived all
my life and he had but shown his nose, because he preferred idleness to
employment!
It was a mistake, then, was it, to be temperate and industrious? It was
more honorable to ride at races, to play high stakes, and drain three
bottles at dinner, than to study and to do one's duty? To be a gentleman
was a matter of silk breeches and perukes and late hours? Out upon the
blundering playwright who made Bassanio win with the leaden casket! Portia
was a woman, and would have wrapped her picture--nay, herself--in tinsel
gilt, the gaudier the better!
But why strive to trace further my wrathful meditations? There is nothing
pleasant or profitable in the contemplation of anger, even when reason
runs abreast of it. And I especially have no pride in this three hours'
wild fury. There were moments in it, I fear, when my rage was well-nigh
murderous in its fierceness.
The storm came--a cold, thin, driving rain, with faint mutterings of
thunder far behind. I did not care to quicken my pace or fasten my coat.
The inclemency fitted and echoed my mood.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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