English fiction -- 19th century; Victoria, Queen of Great Britain, 1819-1901 -- Fiction
‘Then I must undo the mischief. You shall help me. When he has got over
this little trouble, he will see who are his true friends. Let us work
together for his good.’
Nancy was inclined, once more, to reproach herself, and listened with
patience whilst her relative continued talking in grave kindly tones.
Lest she should spoil the effect of these impressive remarks, Mrs.
Damerel then took leave. In shaking hands, she bent upon the girl a gaze
of affection, and, as she turned away, softly sighed.
Of what had passed in the recent interview with Beatrice French, Nancy
said nothing to her faithful companion. This burden of shame must be
borne by herself alone. It affected profoundly the courageous mood
which had promised to make her life tolerable; henceforth, she all but
abandoned the hope of gaining that end for which she had submitted to
so deep a humiliation. Through Beatrice, would not her secret, coloured
shamefully, become known to Luckworth Crewe, and to others? Already,
perchance, a growing scandal attached to her name. Fear had enabled
her to endure dishonour in the eyes of one woman, but at any moment the
disgrace might front her in an intolerable shape; then, regardless of
the cost, she would proclaim her marriage, and have, in return for all
she had suffered, nothing but the reproach of an attempted fraud.
To find employment, means of honourable support, was an urgent
necessity.
She had written in reply to sundry advertisements, but without result.
She tried to draw up an advertisement on her own account, but found the
difficulty insuperable. What was there she could do? Teach children,
perhaps; but as a visiting governess, the only position of the kind
which circumstances left open to her, she could hope for nothing more
than the paltriest remuneration. Be somebody’s ‘secretary’? That sounded
pleasant, but very ambitious: a sense of incompetency chilled her. In an
office, in a shop, who would dream of giving her an engagement?
Walking about the streets of London in search of suggestions, she gained
only an understanding of her insignificance. In the battle of life every
girl who could work a sewing-machine or make a matchbox was of more
account than she. If she entered a shop to make purchases, the young
women at the counter seemed to smile superiority. Of what avail her
‘education,’ her ‘culture’? The roar of myriad industries made mocking
laughter at such futile pretensions. She shrank back into her suburban
home.
A little book on ‘employments for women,’ which she saw advertised and
bought, merely heightened her discouragement. Here, doubtless, were
occupations she might learn; but, when it came to choosing, and
contemplating the practical steps that must be taken, her heart sank.
She was a coward; she dreaded the world; she saw as never yet the
blessedness of having money and a secure home.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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