In Trust: The Story of a Lady and Her LoverOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
In Trust: The Story of a Lady and Her Lover
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
This, however, was not all or half the mental process he had to go
through. He paused for her sake; yet not in this way could the reason of
his hesitation be made clear to her. She would not mind being
‘compromised.’ She would not insist upon the fulfilment of their
engagement. He had to think of some other reason to prove to her that it
was better he should stay away. He made out his case for her, gradually,
at more cost of thought than the plea which had convinced himself; but
at the end it satisfied him as full of very cogent and effective
reasoning. The whole matter opened up before him as he pondered it. He
began to ask himself, to ask her, how he could, as a man of honour,
hurry to Mount as soon as the breath was out of the body of the master
of the house who had rejected and sent him away? How could he thrust
himself into Mr. Mountford’s presence as soon as he was dead and
incapable of resenting it--he, who when living would have refused to
admit him, would have had nothing to say to him? He put back his money
into his purse, and slowly undid his bag and threw out his linen as
these thoughts arose and shaped themselves in his mind. In either point
of view it would be impossible to do it; in either point of view manly
self-denial, honour, and consideration for all parties required that in
this emergency he should not think of what was pleasant either to her or
himself. It was a crisis too important for the mere action of
instinctive feelings. Of course he would like to be with her--of course
she would like to have him by her. But here was something more than what
they would like--a world of things to be considered. To say that Cosmo,
deep down at the bottom of his heart, was not aware that there might be
another larger, simpler mode of considering the question which would
sweep all these intellectual cobwebs away and carry him off in a moment
to Anne’s side, to stand by her in defiance of all prudential motives,
would be untrue. It is the curse of sophistry that this sense of
something better, this consciousness of a fundamental flaw in its
arguments, is seldom quite obliterated; but at the same time it was far
more in accordance with his nature to act according to the more
elaborate, and not according to the simpler system. He satisfied
himself, if not completely, yet sufficiently to reconcile himself to
what he was doing; and he satisfied Anne so far at least as her first
response, her first apprehension was concerned. ‘Dear Cosmo, you are
right, you are right, you are more than right, as you always are,’ she
had said with a kind of enthusiasm, in her first letter. ‘They say that
women have more delicate perceptions, but that only shows how little
people know. I see in a moment the truth and the wisdom and the fine
honour of what you say. I am capable of understanding it at least, but I
feel how far you go beyond me in delicacy of feeling as well as in other
things. No, no! you must not come; respect for my dear father forbids
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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