Other difficulties belonged to the result of Yosef's decision. The
decision was honest, but still to turn it into reality he had to lie,
and then to lie all his life by pretending love. Evil appeared as a
result of good. "Ei, shall I not have to go mad?" thought he. "And this
life will be snarled like a thread. Every one is whirling round after
happiness, as a dog after his own tail, and every man is chasing it with
equal success." Ho! Yosef, who did not love declamation, had still
fallen into the dialectics of unhappiness. Such a philosophy has a
charm: a man loves his misfortune as a happiness.
Meanwhile evening came, but Helena was not to be seen. Yosef supposed
that she must have gone to the cemetery, and he did not himself know why
that thought made him angry on that occasion.
He lighted a candle and began to walk through the room. By chance his
glance fell on Potkanski. Yosef had not known him, and did not like him,
though for the justification of his antipathy he could hardly bring in
the words "lord's son."
When he looked again at that broad, calm face, something glittered in
his eyes which was almost like hatred.
"And for her I am only the counterfeit of that man there," thought he.
These words were not true, Yosef differed altogether in character from
Potkanski, and Helena loved him now for himself; nevertheless the
thought pricked him, he would have given much if Helena had not on a
time been the wife of that man there, and had not had a child by him.
"And I shall have a child," said he, "a son whom I shall rear into a
man, strong and practical."
"Ah, if that future child were mine and Lula's!"
He shook feverishly and pressed his lips; a few drops of perspiration
glittered on his forehead. In the last thought there was a whole ocean
of desire.
He sat in that way for half an hour yet before Helena came. She was
dressed in black, with which color her pale complexion and blond hair
came out excellently. When she saw Yosef she smiled timidly; but great
pleasure was in that smile, for he had been a rare guest in recent
times.
Happily for her, she had enough of tact or of feminine foresight not to
reproach him; she did not dare, either, to rejoice aloud at his coming,
since she knew not what he was bringing. But the palm which she gave him
embraced his hand firmly and broadly. That palm quivered with the
heartfelt language of movements interpreting fear and feeling when lips
are silent.
With a melancholy smile and hand so extended she was enchanting with the
inexpressible charm of an enamoured woman. If she had had a star in her
hair, she might have passed simply for an angel,--perhaps she had even
the aureole around her head which love gives,--but for Yosef she was not
an angel, nor had she an aureole; but he touched her hand with his lips.
"Be seated, Helena, near me, and listen," said he. "I have not been here
for a long time, and I wish that the former freedom and confidence
should return to us."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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