We have said that Augustinovich feared to tell Yosef what had happened
at Pani Visberg's. Lula had deceived his expectations; in spite of
aristocracy, in spite of Pelski, she loved the young doctor, since news
of his sickness had shocked her to such a degree.
Augustinovich lost his humor and the freedom of thought usual to him.
Whether he would or not, he felt respect for Lula, and he felt respect
for woman. Ei! that was something so strange in him, so out of harmony
with his moral make up, that he could not come into agreement with
himself. He had the look of a man caught in a falsehood, and the
falsehood was his understanding of woman. He grew very gloomy. Once even
(a wonderful thing and strange for him, or forgotten) words were forced
from him that were full of painful bitterness: "Oh, if one like her
could be met in a lifetime, a man would not be what he is." He avoided
Yosef, he feared him, he hesitated, he wished to confess everything;
then again he deferred it till the morrow.
Finally Yosef himself took note of his strange demeanor.
"What is the matter with thee, Adam?" asked he.
"But of Lula he cannot ask!" cried Augustinovich, with comical despair.
Yosef sprang to his feet.
"Of Lula? What does that mean? Speak!"
"It means nothing; what should it mean? Is all this to mean something
right away?"
"Augustinovich, thou art hiding something?"
"But the fellow is thinking only of Lula!" cried Augustinovich, with
increasing despair.
Yosef with unheard-of effort mastered himself, but that was a calm
before a terrible storm. His sunken cheeks grew still paler, his eyes
were flaming.
"Well, I will tell thee all!" cried Augustinovich, anticipating the
outburst. "I will tell, I will tell! Ei, who will forbid me to tell thee
that thou hast won the case! May Satan ---- me if thou hast not won. She
loves thee."
Yosef put his trembling hands to his perspiring face.
"But Pelski?" asked he.
"He has not proposed yet."
"Does she know everything about me?"
"Yosef!"
"Speak!"
"She knows nothing. I told her nothing."
Yosef's voice was dull and hoarse when he asked,--
"Why hast thou done me this injustice?"
"I thought that thou wouldst return to her."
Yosef twisted his hands till the fingers were cracking in their joints;
Augustinovich's last words fell on him like red-hot coals. Return to
her? That was to abandon Helena, and did not conscience itself defend
Helena's cause? To return to Lula was to purchase the happiness of a
lifetime, but to return to her was to dishonor Helena, to kill her, to
become contemptible, to purchase contempt for himself. Oh, misfortune!
In Yosef's soul was taking place that devil's dance of a man with
himself. Yosef was dancing with Yosef to the music of that orchestra of
passion. Various thoughts, plans, methods, stormed in him; the battle
raged along the whole line.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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