Incidents of the War: Humorous, Pathetic, and DescriptiveBurnett, Alfred
History
Incidents of the War: Humorous, Pathetic, and Descriptive
Burnett, Alfred
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Anecdotes
Junius Browne, describing a mule and his antics, says: "Now, be it
known, I never had any faith in, though possessed of abundant
commiseration for, a mule. I always sympathized with Sterne in his
sentimental reverie over a dead ass, but for a living one, I could
never elevate my feeling of pity either into love or admiration. The
mule in question, however, seemed to be possessed of gentle and kindly
qualifications. He appeared to have reached that degree of culture
that disarms viciousness and softens stubbornness into tractability. I
believed the sober-looking animal devoid of tricks peculiar to his
kind, such as attempting to run up dead walls in cities, and climb
trees in the country, mistaking himself for a perpetual motion, and
trying to kick Time through the front window of Eternity. I was
deceived in the docile-looking brute. He secured me as his rider by
false pretenses. He won my confidence, and betrayed it shamefully.
That he was a good mule, in some respects, I'll willingly testify; but
in others, he was deeply depraved. He exhibited a disposition
undreamed of by me, unknown before in the brothers and sisters of his
numerous family. In brief, he was a sectarian mule; a bigot that held
narrow views on the subject of religion; believed Hebrew the
vernacular of the devil, and regarded the Passover with malevolent
eyes. Confound such a creature, there was no hope for him! Who could
expect to free him from his prejudices? He hated Moses for his fate,
and Rebekkah for her forms of worship. He was insane on Judaism. He
was a monomaniacal Gentile. Who could make out a mental diagnosis, or
anticipate the conduct of a mule afflicted with religious lunacy? Well
for your correspondent had he discovered beforehand the bias of the
brute, or suspected he was a quadruped zealot! Much might have been
saved to him, and more to a number of unoffending gentlemen from
church, as the sequel of my 'o'er true tale' will prove.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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