Incidents of the War: Humorous, Pathetic, and DescriptiveBurnett, Alfred
History
Incidents of the War: Humorous, Pathetic, and Descriptive
Burnett, Alfred
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Anecdotes
It is not only to offer a tribute to the memory of Henry that I would
intrude upon your readers, but, by presenting an example, encourage
faithfulness and patriotic devotion to the cause of liberty. If any
man, officer or private, has been more faithful, his be the higher
monument in a grateful nation's heart when treason is no more. He
shouldered his musket, and it was at his country's service every hour
till it was laid down beside his bleeding, mangled body, on the banks
of the Rappahannock. If my country ever forgets such heroes as these,
her very name should perish forever. Young men whose hearts are not
stirred within them to rush into the breach, avenge the fallen brave,
and save their country, are making for themselves no enviable future.
Who that calls himself a man will sit with folded arms and careless
mien, under the shade of the tree of liberty, while the wild boar is
whetting his tusks against its bark, and the gaunt stag rudely tears
its branches? It was planted in tears and watered with blood; and if
you do not protect it now, your names will perish.
Henry had made two firm resolves: one was to keep out of the hospital,
and the other was to keep out of the hands of the rebels. He would not
be taken a prisoner, and, if die he must, he preferred the
battle-field to the hospital. He has realized his wish, and though the
bitterness of our anguish at his loss may only wear out with our
lives, our country, in his death, has lost more than his kindred. We
are making history for all time to come. Eternity will tell its own
story of unending joy for those who have freely shed their blood to
lay a firm foundation for the happiness of millions yet unborn.
"Give me the death of those
Who for their country die;
And O! be mine like their repose,
When cold and low they lie!
"Their loveliest Mother Earth
Entwines the fallen brave;
In her sweet lap who gave them birth
They find their tranquil grave."
HOW TO AVOID THE DRAFT.
During the troubles of raising men, a rough-looking customer,
determined upon evasion, called upon the Military Commission, when the
following colloquy ensued, the individual in question remarking:
"Mr. Commissioner, I'm over forty-five."
"How old _are_ you?"
"I don't know how old I am; but I'm over _forty-five_."
"In what year did you make your appearance on this mundane sphere?"
"I don't know what you mean; but I'm over forty-five."
"When were you born?"
"I don't know; but I'm over forty-five."
"How am I to know you are over age?"
"I don't know and I don't care; but I'm over forty-five."
"When were you forty-five?"
"I don't know; but I know I'm over forty-five."
"You must give me some proof that you are over age."
"I've been in the country thirty-six years, and I'm over forty-five."
"That does not prove that you are too old to be drafted."
"I don't care; I know I'm over forty-five."
"I shall not erase your name until you prove your age."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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