Incidents of the War: Humorous, Pathetic, and DescriptiveBurnett, Alfred
History
Incidents of the War: Humorous, Pathetic, and Descriptive
Burnett, Alfred
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Anecdotes
Miles invited those who would, to go over to his palace, and promised
us a sardine supper; accordingly, but few refused the invitation. Now,
Miles had a _jug of oil_, just from the Thurston House, Paris,
_Bourbon_ County, Ky. This oil was put to good use; and soon a _box_
of herring was opened, and the oil again distributed, and then some
speeches were made.
The meeting was called to order by the fat Quarter-master, Shoemaker.
A motion was made that we adjourn and go to Cincinnati. This was voted
down. Motions were continually made to take a drink. These were
carried, every _pop_, by _Sherry_, your correspondent being the only
one having the moral courage to vote in the negative.
Now, Miles is from Columbus; a jolly, good fellow, and, when the time
for retiring arrived, proffered me his bed, provided I would notice
him in my next letter. This I promised, and accepted his hospitality.
The party dispersed, and Miles was soon in the arms of Morpheus; he
had fallen asleep making an eloquent appeal to the _chair_. I had just
got into a nice doze, when I was aroused by the sound of a voice.
"Gen'l'men, you're all my frens, every one of you. But, gen'l'men, I
invite you, freely, to my sardines. You, 'specially, Ned Shoemaker;
'specially you, Andy Hall, and all of you.
"The country is a momentous question,"----
Here I ventured to inquire of him as to whom he was addressing his
conversation?
"Why, my frens," replied he. "Isn't that Ned Shoemaker?" pointing to a
barrel, upon the top of which was my hat; "and are not those my
companions," pointing to a pile of cheese-boxes, herring-kegs, etc.,
that were strewn around.
He was much astonished when I assured him his friends had _departed_
an hour since, at least.
DIDN'T KNOW OF THE REBELLION.
Going out with a party of scouts, one day, in Virginia, we espied,
away up a little ravine, a log-house, completely isolated.
Anticipating a good, substantial meal, we rode up to the domicile,
where an old woman, with a face with all the intelligence of a pig
beaming from it, came to the door, looking the very picture of
consternation. We dismounted, and asked for something to eat.
"What! wittles?" exclaimed the horrible-looking creature. "Whar did
you come from? And what be sogers doin' on here?"
"Well, I came from Indianapolis," said Captain Bracken, "and am after
something to eat. Are there any Secesh in these parts?"
"Any what?"
"Secesh."
"Why, gracious, what's them?"
"Are you and your folks for the Union?"
"Why, sartain; thar's the old man neow."
Just at this moment there came a gaunt-eyed, slim-livered,
carnivorous, yellow-skinned, mountain Virginian--no doubt belonging to
one of the first families, as his name was Rhett.
"Look-a-hear," continued the old woman; "this ere soger wants to know
if you be for Union?"
The old man looked, if any thing, more astonished than the old woman
at the soldier. In the course of conversation we asked the man, "What
he thought of the war?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account