that they were in it, but neither betrayed by word or act a hint of
interpretation. They talked privately, no doubt, but of that I can
report no details.
And so it was that, after ten days of a very commonplace visit, I
found myself looking straight into the face of a Strangeness that
defied capture at close quarters. ‘There’s something here that never
happens,’ were the words that rose in my mind, ‘and that’s why none
of us can speak of it.’ And as I looked out of the window and watched
the vulgar blackbirds, with toes turned in, boring out their worms, I
realised sharply that even they, as indeed everything large and small
in the house and grounds, shared this strangeness, and were twisted out
of normal appearance because of it. Life, as expressed in the entire
place, was crumpled, dwarfed, emasculated. God’s meanings here were
crippled, His love of joy was stunted. Nothing in the garden danced
or sang. There was hate in it. ‘The Shadow,’ my thought hurried on to
completion, ‘is a manifestation of hate; and hate is the Devil.’ And
then I sat back frightened in my chair, for I knew that I had partly
found the truth.
Leaving my books I went out into the open. The sky was overcast,
yet the day by no means gloomy, for a soft, diffused light oozed
through the clouds and turned all things warm and almost summery.
But I saw the grounds now in their nakedness because I understood.
Hate means strife, and the two together weave the robe that terror
wears. Having no so-called religious beliefs myself, nor belonging
to any set of dogmas called a creed, I could stand outside these
feelings and observe. Yet they soaked into me sufficiently for me
to grasp sympathetically what others, with more cabined souls (I
flattered myself), might feel. That picture in the dining-room stalked
everywhere, hid behind every tree, peered down upon me from the peaked
ugliness of the bourgeois towers, and left the impress of its powerful
hand upon every bed of flowers. ‘You must not do this, you must not do
that,’ went past me through the air. ‘You must not leave these narrow
paths,’ said the rigid iron railings of black. ‘You shall not walk
here,’ was written on the lawns. ‘Keep to the steps,’ ‘Don’t pick the
flowers; make no noise of laughter, singing, dancing,’ was placarded
all over the rose-garden, and ‘Trespassers will be--not prosecuted
but--_destroyed_’ hung from the crest of monkey-tree and holly.
Guarding the ends of each artificial terrace stood gaunt, implacable
policemen, warders, gaolers. ‘Come with us,’ they chanted, ‘or be
damned eternally.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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