I got up to go downstairs. I believe I shrugged my shoulders, ‘Would
you like to leave, Frances? Shall we go back to town?’ I suggested
this at the door, and hearing no immediate reply, I turned back to
look. Frances was sitting with her head bowed over and buried in her
hands. The attitude horribly suggested tears. No woman, I realised, can
keep back the pressure of strong emotion as long as Frances had done,
without ending in a fluid collapse. I waited a moment uneasily, longing
to comfort, yet afraid to act--and in this way discovered the existence
of the appalling emotion in myself, hitherto but half guessed. At all
costs a scene must be prevented: it would involve such exaggeration and
over-statement. Brutally, such is the weakness of the ordinary man, I
turned the handle to go out, but my sister then raised her head. The
sunlight caught her face, framed untidily in its auburn hair, and I saw
her wonderful expression with a start. Pity, tenderness and sympathy
shone in it like a flame. It was undeniable. There shone through all
her features the imperishable love and yearning to sacrifice self for
others which I have seen in only one type of human being. It was the
great mother look.
‘We must stay by Mabel and help her get it straight,’ she whispered,
making the decision for us both.
I murmured agreement. Abashed and half ashamed, I stole softly from
the room and went out into the grounds. And the first thing clearly
realised when alone was this: that the long scene between us was
without definite result. The exchange of confidence was really nothing
but hints and vague suggestion. We had decided to stay, but it was
a negative decision not to leave rather than a positive action. All
our words and questions, our guesses, inferences, explanations, our
most subtle allusions and insinuations, even the odious paintings
themselves, were without definite result. Nothing had happened.
VI
And instinctively, once alone, I made for the places where she had
painted her extraordinary pictures; I tried to see what she had seen.
Perhaps, now that she had opened my mind to another view, I should
be sensitive to some similar interpretation--and possibly by way of
literary expression. If I were to write about the place, I asked
myself, how should I treat it? I deliberately invited an interpretation
in the way that came easiest to me--writing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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