My expression must have stopped her. I believe I clapped both hands
upon her mouth, though when I realised things clearly again, I found
they were covering my own ears instead. It was a moment of unutterable
horror. The revulsion I felt was actually physical. It would have given
me pleasure to fire off all the five chambers of my pistol into the air
above my head; the sound--a definite, wholesome sound that explained
itself--would have been a positive relief. Other feelings, though,
were in me too, all over me, rushing to and fro. It was vain to seek
their disentanglement; it was impossible. I confess that I experienced,
among them, a touch of paralysing fear--though for a moment only;
it passed as sharply as it came, leaving me with a violent flush of
blood to the face such as bursts of anger bring, followed abruptly
by an icy perspiration over the entire body. Yet I may honestly avow
that it was not ordinary personal fear I felt, nor any common dread
of physical injury. It was, rather, a vast, impersonal shrinking--a
sympathetic shrinking--from the agony and terror that countless others,
somewhere, somehow, felt for themselves. The first sensation of a
prison overwhelmed me in that instant, of bitter strife and frenzied
suffering, and the fiery torture of the yearning to escape that was yet
hopelessly uttered.... It was of incredible power. It was real. The
vain, intolerable hope swept over me.
I mastered myself, though hardly knowing how, and took my sister’s
hand. It was as cold as ice, as I led her firmly to the door and
out into the passage. Apparently she noticed nothing of my so near
collapse, for I caught her whisper as we went. ‘You _are_ brave, Bill;
splendidly brave.’
The upper corridors of the great sleeping house were brightly lit;
on her way to me she had turned on every electric switch her hand
could reach; and as we passed the final flight of stairs to the
floor below, I heard a door shut softly and knew that Mabel had been
listening--waiting for us. I led my sister up to it. She knocked, and
the door was opened cautiously an inch or so. The room was pitch black.
I caught no glimpse of Mabel standing there. Frances turned to me with
a hurried whisper, ‘Billy, you _will_ be careful, won’t you?’ and went
in. I just had time to answer that I would not be long, and Frances
to reply, ‘You’ll find us here----’ when the door closed and cut her
sentence short before its end.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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