Conscious of a violent struggle between pain and joy, both too deep for
me to understand, I rose to seize her in my arms. But the effort dimmed
the flying pictures. The wind that bore her voice down the stupendous
vista fled back into the caverns whence it came. And the pain caught
me in a vice of agony so searching that I could not move a muscle.
My tongue lay dry against my lips. I could not frame a word of any
sentence....
Her voice presently came back to me, but fainter, like a whisper from
the stars. The light dimmed everywhere; I saw no more the vivid,
shining scenery she had summoned. A mournful dusk instead crept down
upon the world she had momentarily revived.
‘... we may not stay together,’ I heard her little whisper, ‘until long
discipline shall have perfected sympathy, and schooled our love to
last. For this love of ours _is_ for ever, and the pain that tries it
is the furnace that fashions precious stones....’
Again I stretched my arms out. Her face shone a moment longer in that
forgotten fiercer sunlight, then faded very swiftly. The change, like a
veil, passed over it. From the place of prodigious distance where she
had been, she swept down towards me with such dizzy speed. As she was
To-day I saw her again, more and more.
‘Pain and separation, then, are welcome,’ I tried to stammer, ‘and we
will desire them’--but my thought got no further into expression than
the first two words. Aching blotted out coherent utterance.
She bent down very close against my face. Her fragrance was about
my lips. But her voice ran off like a faint thrill of music, far,
far away. I caught the final words, dying away as wind dies in high
branches of a wood. And they reached me this time through the droning
of bees and of waves that murmured close at hand upon the shore.
‘... for our love is of the soul, and our souls are moulded in
Eternity. It is not yet, it is not now, our perfect consummation. Nor
shall our next time of meeting know it. We shall not even speak.... For
I shall not be free....’ was what I heard. She paused.
‘You mean we shall not know each other?’ I cried, in an anguish of
spirit that mastered the lesser physical pain.
I barely caught her answer:
‘My discipline then will be in another’s keeping--yet only that I may
come back to you ... more perfect ... in the end....’
The bees and waves then cushioned her whisper with their humming. The
trail of a deeper silence led them far away. The rush of temporary
darkness passed and lifted. I opened my eyes. My love sat close beside
me in the shadow of the poplars. One hand held both my own, while with
the other she arranged my pillows and stroked my aching head. The world
dropped back into a tiny scale once more.
‘You have had the pain again,’ Marion murmured anxiously, ‘but it is
better now. It is passing.’ She kissed my cheek. ‘You must come in....’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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