Rather trivial questions too--half-foolish interrogations, as of a
puzzled or curious child: Why was my sister afraid to sleep alone, and
why did her friend feel a similar repugnance, yet seek to conquer it?
Why was the solid luxury of the house without comfort, its shelter
without the sense of permanence? Why had Mrs. Franklyn asked _us_ to
come, artists, unbelieving vagabonds, types at the farthest possible
remove from the saved sheep of her husband’s household? Had a reaction
set in against the hysteria of her conversion? I had seen no signs
of religious fervour in her; her atmosphere was that of an ordinary,
high-minded woman, yet a woman of the world. Lifeless, though, a
little, perhaps, now that I came to think about it: she had made no
definite impression upon me of any kind. And my thoughts ran vaguely
after this fragile clue.
Closing my book, I let them run. For, with this chance reflection
came the discovery that I could not _see_ her clearly--could not
feel her soul, her personality. Her face, her small pale eyes, her
dress and body and walk, all these stood before me like a photograph;
but her Self evaded me. She seemed not there, lifeless, empty, a
shadow--nothing. The picture was disagreeable, and I put it by.
Instantly she melted out, as though light thought had conjured up a
phantom that had no real existence. And at that very moment, singularly
enough, my eye caught sight of her moving past the window, going
silently along the gravel path. I watched her, a sudden new sensation
gripping me. ‘There goes a prisoner,’ my thought instantly ran, ‘one
who wishes to escape, but cannot.’
What brought the outlandish notion, heaven only knows. The house was
of her own choice, she was twice an heiress, and the world lay open
at her feet. Yet she stayed--unhappy, frightened, caught. All this
flashed over me, and made a sharp impression even before I had time to
dismiss it as absurd. But a moment later explanation offered itself,
though it seemed as far-fetched as the original impression. My mind,
being logical, was obliged to provide something, apparently. For Mrs.
Franklyn, while dressed to go out, with thick walking-boots, a pointed
stick, and a motor-cap tied on with a veil as for the windy lanes, was
obviously content to go no farther than the little garden paths. The
costume was a sham and a pretence. It was this, and her lithe, quick
movements that suggested a caged creature--a creature tamed by fear
and cruelty that cloaked themselves in kindness--pacing up and down,
unable to realise why it got no farther, but always met the same bars
in exactly the same place. The mind in her was barred.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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