"Whereas we are through our great ignorance and obstinacy growne to a most seditious and malignant head, and the hornes of that head (though of a maine length) not able to support our arrogant faction, as appeares by our last being soundly slasht and bastinadoed by a mad crew called the Cavallery; and whereas a great part of us have shut up our shops because wee could no longer keepe them open, which kind of shutting up proceedeth commonly from our vast expence in White broths, Custards, and other luxurious Dishes provided for the Edification one of another. And whereas the multitude, called true Protestants, endeavour to hold up Bishops, to maintaine good Order, Discipline, and Orthodox preaching in the Church, Learning and Arts in the Universities, and peace in the Commonwealth; all which is nothing but Idolatry, superstition, prophanenesse, and plaine Popery: and further, whereas wee (who are nothing properly but _Roundheads_ and _Prickeares_) who are in most scandalous manner termed Puritans, Holy Brethren, the Zealots of the Land, and which in sincerity wee never were, or ever will be:--" And then after stating various grievances, not without a considerable spice of indecency, the pamphlet proceeds thus:-- "All which grievances doe stand with much reason, and therefore are utterly against our tender Consciences, and never were allowed by any Synod of Moore-fields or Pimlico. That therefore which we doe now resolve to maintaine, and desire to have confirmed and never to be altered (till some new toy tickle us in the _Pericranium_, which will be very shortly) is:-- "1.--That our religion, Tenents, and maners before mentioned be established and maintained against all reason, Learning, Divinity, Order, Discipline, Morality, Piety, or Humanity whatsoever. "2.--That the very names of Bishops shall be a sufficient Jury and judge to condemne any of them, without any further Evidence or circumstance. "3.--That if any man whatsoever having knowledge in the Latine Tongue (being a Popish Language) shall presume to think he can save a soule by preaching, he be excommunicated both in this world and in the World to come unlesse it be some certaine Lecturers of whose approved rayling and ignorance we are well assured, and have knowne to stand 6 houres on a fasting day. "4.--That the Felt-maker and the Cobler, two innocent cuckolds may be instituted Primats and Metropolitans of the two Arch Provinces, and the rest of the Sect preserved (preferred?) according to their imbecilities of spirit, to such Bishopricks and other Livings as will competently serve to procure fat poultry for the filling of their insatiate stomacks; in which regard, Church livings had more need to be encreased than diminished.