Innocent : $b a tale of modern lifeOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
Innocent : $b a tale of modern life
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
comfortable; but if he married, and had to keep up an establishment of
his own, things would appear in a very different light. The marriage he
ought to have made was with some one at least as rich as himself; he
ought to have done as his father had done, whose wife had more than
doubled his income. All this Frederick was deeply, sadly aware of. He
knew that he ought to do exactly the reverse of what he wanted to do; he
knew that at the very least he ought to pause and consider carefully all
the penalties, all the misery involved. But in the very midst of his
wisest thoughts a sudden recollection would sweep away every scrap of
good sense he possessed, as well as all that paramount regard for self
which had carried him over so many hidden rocks and dangers of which he
alone knew. Perhaps it would be wrong to say that love had triumphed
over self in this struggle. It was a victory more subtle still--it was
the triumph of the self of passion over the self of prudence and worldly
well-being. It was gratification as against profit--delight against
honour. I may, perhaps, judge him harshly, for this class of sentiment
is one, I am aware, in which women are apt to show a want of
understanding; but the reader will decide in how far the credit of a
generous passion, scorning consequences, may be attributed to Frederick
Eastwood. I do not call this kind of frenzy love; but there are many
that do. Of the true being called Amanda Batty he knew next to nothing,
and what he did know would, had he been in his sober senses, have
revolted his good taste, and disgusted all his finer perceptions. Even
now he had a vague prevision that he would be bitterly ashamed of her,
did she belong to him; and a certainty that he would be more than
ashamed of her belongings, whom already he loathed; but the outside of
her filled him with a hungry worship, which overcame his reason and all
the sane portion of his mind. After he had forced himself to think over
all the disadvantages, to represent to himself the descent into another
sphere, the want of means, the horrible neighbourhood into which he
would be thrown, there would suddenly gleam upon his mind that turn of
her soft round shoulder when she flung away from him in disdain; the
dimples in it, the velvet texture, the snowy whiteness just touched with
tints of rose--and all his wiser self was at once trampled underfoot.
Yet he stood out bravely, fighting with himself after the same fashion
but more strenuously than he had done on other occasions, when not a
lawful love, but a wild, lawless desire for pleasure, possessed him.
Never before had he made so long or so hard a stand. In the other cases
not much had been in question--a bout of dissipation might carry with it
a good many headaches, an empty purse, and, if found out, a slur upon
that spotless character which it was Frederick’s pride to maintain; but
it could do no more; whereas this would compromise his life. Would it
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