Innocent : $b a tale of modern lifeOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
Innocent : $b a tale of modern life
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
No; of course all was over; he could never be her suitor, never
ask her to give him the hand with which she had thrown something which
crashed and broke at her companion’s head. Never! that was over; but why
should not he see her, behold her beauty once more--give himself that
last pleasure? He would never seek her again; she had disgusted,
revolted, turned his mind away from her. But since he was already so
near, since he had given his card, since it would be known at once why
he went away, this once, not for love, but for scornful gratification of
his contemptuous admiration, just as he would look at a statue or
picture, he would see her again.
This was the foolish reasoning with which he subdued the wiser instinct
that prompted him to fly. Why should he fly? A woman capable of
speaking, acting, thinking as this woman had done, could no longer have
any power over a man who, whatever might be his moral character, had
still the tastes and impulses of a gentleman. She had made an end of her
sway over him, he thought; that dream could never come back again.
Nobody but a madman would ask such a creature to marry him. To marry
him? to be taken to his mother’s house, and promoted into the society of
gentlefolk? Never! He laughed bitterly at the notion. But, thank
Heaven! he had not betrayed himself. Thank Heaven! that merely to see
her would commit him to nothing. No, he ended by convincing himself the
most manly course was to pay his visit as if nothing had happened, to
see the syren who was no longer a syren to him, but only a beautiful
piece of flesh and blood, whom he might look at and admire like a
statue. This was, he repeated to himself, the most manly course. The
phrase was pleasant to him. To run away would look as if he had no
confidence in his own moral force and power of resisting temptation. But
the fact was that there could be no longer any temptation in the matter.
To see her, and prove to himself that disgust had altogether destroyed
the fierce violent wild love which had swallowed up all his better
resolution, was the only manly course to take.
He was standing by one of the flower-beds, stamping down unconsciously
with his boot the border of long-leaved crocuses which had gone out of
flower, but quite unaware of the damage he was doing, when the maid who
admitted him came back. She apologized for keeping him so long waiting.
Miss ’Manda had been taken bad sudden--one of her bad turns--nothing out
of the common--but now was better, and would he go up-stairs, please?
“Was she well enough to see him?” Frederick asked, with a momentary
thrill of alarm, feeling his heart begin to beat.
“Oh, quite well enough. They don’t last long, these bad turns. You will
find her a bit shaken, sir, and she didn’t ought to be excited or put
out, but she’s better,” said the maid. Better! the scold, the termagant,
the beautiful fury; but still Frederick’s heart beat at the thought of
seeing her again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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