He looked at her with anxiety and tenderness.
"You have eaten nothing since early morning; you look so pale and
weak--let me get you something--a glass of wine."
"No, thank you," she answered--"I could not touch a morsel--not just
yet. Oh, Robin, it hurts me to hear all those voices in the great
hall!--men eating and drinking there, as if he were still alive!--and
they have only just laid him down in the cold earth--so cold and dark!"
She shuddered violently.
"I do not think it is right," she went on--"to allow people to love
each other at all if death must separate them for ever. It seems only a
cruelty and wickedness. Now that I have seen what death can do, I will
never love anyone again!"
"No--I suppose you will not," he said, somewhat bitterly--"yet, you
have never known what love is--you do not understand it."
She sighed, deeply.
"Perhaps not!" she said--"And I'm not sure that I want to understand
it--not now. What love I had in my heart is all buried--with Dad and
the roses. I am not the same girl any more--I feel a different
creature--grown quite old!"
"You cannot feel older than I do," he replied--"but you do not think of
me at all,--why should you? I never used to think you selfish,
Innocent!--you have always been so careful and considerate of the
feelings of others--yet now!--well!--are you not so much absorbed in
your own grief as to be forgetful of mine? For mine is a double
grief--a double loss--I have lost my uncle and best friend--and I shall
lose you because you will not love me, though I love you with all my
heart and only want to make you happy!"
Her sad eyes met his with a direct, half-reproachful gaze.
"You think me selfish?"
"No!--no, Innocent!--but--"
"I see!" she said--"You think I ought to sacrifice myself to you, and
to Dad's last wish. You would expect me to spoil your life by marrying
you unwillingly and without love--"
"I tell you you know nothing about love!" he interrupted her,
impatiently.
"So you imagine," she answered quietly--"but I do know one thing--and
it is that no one who really loves a person wishes to see that person,
unhappy. To love anybody means that above all things in the world you
desire to see the beloved one well and prosperous and full of gladness.
You cannot love me or you would not wish me to do a thing that would
make me miserable. If I loved you, I would marry you and devote my life
to yours--but I do not love you, and, therefore, I should only make you
wretched if I became your wife. Do not let us talk of this any more--it
tires me out!"
She passed her hand over her forehead with a weary gesture.
"It is wrong to talk of ourselves at all when Dad is only just buried,"
she continued. "You say Mr. Bayliss wants to see me--very well!--in a
few minutes I will come."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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