"That you--well? Go on! I must not tell anybody--what?"
"That I love you!" she said, in a tone so grave and sweet and
angelically tender, that for a second he was smitten with a sudden
sense of shame.
Was it right to steal all this unspoilt treasure of love from a heart
so warm and susceptible? Was it fair to enter such an ivory castle of
dreams and break open all the "magic casements opening on the foam, Of
perilous seas in fairy lands forlorn"? He was silent, having no
response to give to the simple ardour of her utterance. What he felt
for her was what all men feel for each woman who in turn attracts their
wandering fancies--the desire of conquest and possession. He was moved
to this desire by the irritating fact that this girl had startled an
apathetic public on both sides of the Atlantic by the display of her
genius in the short space of two years--whereas he had been more than
fifteen years intermittently at work without securing any such fame. To
throw the lasso of Love round the flying Pegasus on which she rode so
lightly and securely, would be an excitement and amusement which he was
not inclined to forgo--a triumph worth attaining. But love such as she
imagined love to be, was not in his nature--he conceived of it merely
as a powerful physical attraction which exerted its influence between
two persons of opposite sexes and lasted for a certain time--then waned
and wore off--and he recognised marriage as a legal device to safeguard
a woman when the inevitable indifference and coldness of her mate set
in, making him no longer a lover, but a household companion of habit
and circumstance, lawfully bound to pay for the education of children
and the necessary expenses of living. In his inmost consciousness he
knew very well that Innocent was not of the ordinary feminine
mould--she had visions of the high and unattainable, and her ideals of
life were of that pure and transcendental quality which belongs to
finer elements unseen. The carnal mind can never comprehend
spirituality,--nevertheless, Jocelyn was a man cultured and clever
enough to feel that though he himself could not enter, and did not even
care to enter the uplifted spheres of thought, this strange child with
a gift of the gods in her brain, already dwelt in them, serenely
unconscious of any lower plane. And she loved him!--and he would, on
that ground of love, teach her many things she had never known--he
would widen her outlook,--warm her senses--increase her
perceptions--train her like a wild rose on the iron trellis of his
experience--while thus to instruct an unworldly soul in worldliness
would be for him an interesting and pleasurable pastime.
"And I can make her happy"--was his additional thought--"in the only
way a woman is ever happy--for a little while!"
All this ran through his mind as he held her hand a moment longer, till
the convincing music of the band and the brilliant lights of the house
warned them to break away from each other.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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