Meanwhile things went on in an outwardly even and uneventful course.
Innocent worked steadily to fulfil certain contracts into which she had
entered with the publishers who were eager to obtain as much of her
work as she could give them,--but she had lost heart, and her once
soaring ambition was like a poor bird that had been clumsily shot at,
and had fallen to the ground with a broken wing. What she had dreamed
of as greatness, now seemed vain and futile. The "Amadis de Jocelin" of
the sixteenth century had taught her to love literature--to believe in
it as the refiner of thought and expression, and to use it as a charm
to inspire the mind and uplift the soul,--but the Amadis de Jocelyn of
the twentieth had no such lessons to teach. Utterly lacking in
reverence for great thinkers, he dismissed the finest passages of
poetry or prose from his consideration with light scorn as "purple
patches," borrowing that hackneyed phrase from the lower walks of the
press,--the most inspired writers, both of ancient and modern times,
came equally under the careless lash of his derision,--so that
Innocent, utterly bewildered by his sweeping denunciation of many
brilliant and famous authors, shrank into her wounded self with pain,
humiliation and keen disappointment, feeling that there was certainly
no chance for her to appeal to him in any way through the thoughts she
cherished and expressed with truth and fervour to a listening world.
That world listened--but HE did not!--therefore the world seemed
worthless and its praise mere mockery. She had no vanity to support
her,--she was not "strong-minded" enough to oppose her own
individuality to that of the man she loved. And so she began to droop a
little,--her bright and ardent spirit sank like a sinking flame,--much
to the concern of Miss Leigh, who watched her with a jealous tenderness
of love beyond all expression. The child of Pierce Armitage, lawfully
or unlawfully begotten, was now to her the one joy of existence,--the
link that fastened her more closely to life,--and she worried herself
secretly over the evident listlessness, fatigue and depression of the
girl who had so lately been the very embodiment of happiness. But she
did not like to ask questions,--she knew that Innocent had a very
resolute mind of her own, and that if she elected to remain silent on
any subject whatsoever, nothing, not even the most affectionate appeal,
would induce her to speak.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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