'No,' continued Robert Fraser, 'I have not spoken of it to so many; but
you've been a good frien' to me, Saunders, and I think you should hear
it. I have not tried to set myself right with folks in the general,
but I would like to let you see clearly before I go my ways to Him who
seeth from the beginning.'
'Hear till him,' said Saunders; 'man, yer hoast is no' near as sair as
it was i' the back-end. Ye'll be here lang efter me; but lang or
short, weel do ye ken, Robert Fraser, that ye need not to pit yersel'
richt wi' me. Hae I no' kenned ye sins ye war the sic o' twa
scrubbers?'
'I thank you, Saunders,' said Robert, 'but I am well aware that I'm to
die this year. No, no, not a word. It is the Lord's will! It's mair
than seven year now since I first kenned that my days were to be few.
It was the year my faither died, and left Harry and me by our lane.
'He left no siller to speak of, just plenty to lay him decently in the
kirkyard among his forebears. I had been a year at the Divinity Hall
then, and was going up to put in my discourses for the next session. I
had been troubled with my breast for some time, and so called one day
at the infirmary to get a word with Sir James. He was very busy when I
went in, and never noticed me till the hoast took me. Then on a sudden
he looked up from his papers, came quickly over to me, put his own
white handkerchief to my mouth, and quietly said, "Come into my room,
laddie!" Ay, he was a good man and a faithful, Sir James, if ever
there was one. He told me that with care I might live five or six
years, but it would need great care. Then a strange prickly coldness
came over me, and I seemed to walk light-headed in an atmosphere
suddenly rarefied. I think I know now how the mouse feels under the
air-pump.'
'What's that?' queried Saunders.
'A cruel ploy not worth speaking of,' continued the Stickit Minister.
'Well, I found something in my throat when I tried to thank him. But I
came my ways home to the Dullarg, and night and day I considered what
was to be done, with so much to do and so little time to do it. It was
clear that both Harry and me could not gang through the college on the
little my faither had left. So late one night I saw my way clear to
what I should do. Harry must go, I must stay. I must come home to the
farm, and be my own "man"; then I could send Harry to the college to be
a doctor, for he had no call to the ministry as once I thought I had.
More than that, It was laid on me to tell Jessie London that Robert
Fraser was no better than a machine set to go five year.
'Now all these things I did, Saunders, but there's no use telling you
what they cost in the doing. They were right to do, and they were
done. I do not repent any of them. I would do them all over again
were they to do, but it's been bitterer than I thought.'
The Stickit Minister took his head off his hand and leaned wearily back
in his chair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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