To her resolve to make head against misfortune Jacqueline owed the
fact that she did not fall into those morbid reveries which might have
converted her passing fancy for a man who was simply a male flirt into
the importance of a lost love. Is there any human being conscious of
energy, and with faith in his or her own powers, who has not wished
to know something of adversity in order to rise to the occasion and
confront it? To say nothing of the pleasure there is in eating brown
bread, when one has been fed only on cake, or of the satisfaction that a
child feels when, after strict discipline, he is left to do as he likes,
to say nothing of the pleasure ladies boarding in nunneries are sure to
feel on reentering the world, at recovering their liberty, Jacqueline by
nature loved independence, and she was attracted by the novelty of her
situation as larks are attracted by a mirror. She was curious to know
what life held for her in reserve, and she was extremely anxious to
repair the error she had committed in giving way to a feeling of which
she was now ashamed. What could do this better than hard work? To owe
everything to herself, to her talents, to her efforts, to her industry,
such was Jacqueline’s ideal of her future life.
She had, before this, crowned her brilliant reputation in the ‘cours’ of
M. Regis by passing her preliminary examination at the Sorbonne; she was
confident of attaining the highest degree--the ‘brevet superieur’, and
while pursuing her own studies she hoped to give lessons in music and in
foreign languages, etc. Thus assured of making her own living, she could
afford to despise the discreditable happiness of Madame de Nailles, who,
she had no doubt, would shortly become Madame Marien; also the crooked
ways in which M. de Cymier might pursue his fortune-hunting. She said
to herself that she should never marry; that she had other objects of
interest; that marriage was for those who had nothing better before
them; and the world appeared to her under a new aspect, a sphere
of useful activity full of possibilities, of infinite variety, and
abounding in interests. Marriage might be all very well for rich
girls, who unhappily were objects of value to be bought and sold; her
semi-poverty gave her the right to break the chains that hampered the
career of other well-born women--she would make her own way in the world
like a man.
Thus, at eighteen, youth is ready to set sail in a light skiff on a
rough sea, having laid in a good store of imagination and of courage, of
childlike ignorance and self-esteem.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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