He tried to throw off his desperate feeling of apprehension,
chattering all sorts of comforting reasons and excuses to himself
as he scurried about the rooms with aimless haste. Try as he would,
however, when the time came, he could not read--not even of his
courage-inspiring Napoleon. The howl of the wind annoyed and appalled
him; he caught himself listening intently for sounds above and not
of the storm. A nervous, intermittent laugh broke from his lips
as he went on cursing himself for a fool to be so disturbed by
Graydon's report.
"What have I to fear from him? Why should I let that look of his
unnerve me so? Why can't I forget it? It--it didn't mean anything.
I'm a fool to think of it. Nearly two years ago, that was. Why,
he may be--" A new thought chased the old one out before it was
formed. His eyes caught sight of one of his completed models,
standing in the corner. It was the model for the guillotine.
For a long time he sat staring at the thing, a hundred impressions
forming and reforming in his brain.
"I wonder if I'll really die before he is liberated," he was saying
dumbly to himself. "I wonder if I will. There's no sign of it now.
I'm strong and well enough to live for years. Suppose he is freed
inside of a month or two, what then? By Heaven, I'd be losing the
dearest hope of my whole life. My last sight of him--that beautiful
vision behind the bars--would be spoiled, undone, wiped out. He'd
be as free as I. I won't die inside of a month, I'm sure. He'd come
here and laugh at me and he'd kill me in the end. God! I know he
would. He'd have the joy of seeing my pain and terror and defeat--he'd
see me LAST! I'd be bloody and crushed and--"
He checked himself in the midst of these dire forebodings to rise
suddenly and cross to the ghastly looking frame with the cords, the
hinges, and the great broadaxe that lay harmlessly in the grooves
at the top. For many minutes he stood and gazed at the axe, his
flesh as cold as ice. Then he tested the cords. The axe dropped
heavily to the block below. He smiled with cunning triumph at his
own skill.
The odour of geranium leaves assailed his nostrils. With an ugly
impulse he turned and swept the pots from the window box, scattering
them over the floor.
"I'm in a devil of a humour," he laughed as he surveyed the wreck.
"Something's gone wrong with me. I've never mistreated my flowers
before." He lifted the broadaxe to its place, tenderly, almost
lovingly. "By my soul, it's a beautiful piece of work. It's as sure
as the grave itself."
Again he stood off and looked at the infernal bit of his own
handiwork, his eyes glistening with dread of the thing. He turned
and fled to the opposite side of the room, keeping his back toward
the silent guillotine which seemed to be calling to him with
mocking yet fascinating persistency.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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