Country homes -- Fiction; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
Mrs. Maule had no wish to make Lingard either an unwilling or even a
willing accomplice in the scheme which was to result in their ultimate
happiness. She had gone quite as far as she dared to go with him the
night before. Treachery is one of the few burdens which a human being
can bear better alone than in company.
Athena realised that Lingard now regarded his violent, unreasoning
attraction to herself as a thing of which to be mortally ashamed. But
she was convinced that, once his engagement to Jane Oglander was at an
end, he would "let himself go," especially if he was convinced that she,
Athena, had been blameless.
And her instinct served her truly. Lingard, in spite of, or perhaps
because of, the long day spent away from Rede Place, was in no mood for
a renewal of the sentimental dalliance to which Athena had accustomed
him.
What had happened--the quick exchange of words, his echo of Mrs. Maule's
longing for freedom from a tie which she had led him to believe had ever
lacked reality, had brought him, and roughly, to his bearings.
The evening which had followed, spent in company with the two women--the
woman to whom he owed allegiance, and whom he had held but a few hours
before in his arms, and that other woman who had provoked the unreal
words of which he was now ashamed, had contained some of the most odious
moments of his life.
He had hailed with intense relief the engagement which took him away for
a whole day; and on his return he had gone straight to the sitting-room
set apart for his use, his supposed work, and where, after the first two
days of his stay under Richard Maule's roof, he had spent so little of
his time.
The rather elaborate apparatus connected with the book he was engaged in
writing, filled him with contempt for himself. There were the maps, the
books, the reports of his staff, his own rough notes, and--in a locked
despatch-box--the long diary-letters he had written to Jane Oglander
during the course of the Expedition.
The man who is all man, whose nature lacks, that is, any admixture of
femininity, is almost always without the dangerous gift of
self-analysis. Such a man was Hew Lingard.
All through his life he had always known exactly what he wanted, and
when denied he had suffered as suffers a child, with a dumb and hopeless
anger. It was this want of knowledge of himself that had ever made him
ready to embark blindly in those perilous adventures of the soul in
which the body plays so great a sub-conscious part.
Now, for the first time in his life, Lingard did not know what he
wanted, and the state in which he found himself induced a terrible and
humiliating disquietude.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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