Ah, dear madam, I should not have been so long patient, had I not, as
it now appears, been lulled into a fatal mistake. I could not taste repose
till I was, as I thought, certainly informed that he continued to reside
in his father's house. This proof of reconciliation, and the silence
which, though so near him, he maintained towards me, both before and
subsequently to my mother's death, contributed to persuade me that his
condition was not unhappy, and especially that either his resentment or
his prudence had made him dismiss me from his thoughts.
I have lately, to my utter astonishment, discovered that Colden,
immediately after his last letter to me, went upon some distant voyage,
whence, though a twelvemonth has since passed, he has not yet returned.
Hence the boldness of this address to you, whom I know only by rumour.
You will, I doubt not, easily imagine to yourself my feelings, and will
be good enough to answer my inquiries, if you have any compassion for
your
J. T.
Letter LIX
_To Jane Talbot_
New York, October 15.
I HASTEN, my dear madam, to reply to your letter. The part you have
assigned me I will most cheerfully perform to the utmost of my power, but
very much regret that I have not more agreeable tidings to
communicate.
Having said that all the transactions between you and my brother are
known to me, I need not apologize for alluding to events, which I could
not excuse myself for doing without being encouraged by the frankness and
solicitude which your own pen has expressed.
Immediately after the determination of his fate in regard to you, he
came to this city. He favoured us with the perusal of your letters. We
entirely agreed with him in applauding the motives which influenced your
conduct. We had no right to accuse you of precipitation or inconsistency.
That heart must indeed be selfish and cold which could not comprehend the
horror which must have seized you on hearing of his father's treatment.
You acted, in the first tumults of your feelings, as every woman would
have acted. That you did not immediately perceive the little prospect
there was that a breach of this nature would be repaired, or that Colden
would make use of your undesired and unsought-for renunciation as a means
of reconcilement with his father, was no subject of surprise or blame.
These reflections could not occur to you but in consequence of some
intimations from others.
Henry Colden was no indolent or mercenary creature, No one more
cordially detested the life of dependence than he. He always thought that
his father had discharged all the duties of that relation in nourishing
his childhood and giving him a good education. Whatever has been since
bestowed, he considered as voluntary and unrequited bounty; has received
it with irksomeness and compunction; and, whatever you may think of the
horrors of indigence, it was impossible to have placed him in a more
painful situation than under his father's roof.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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