Pride and love at issue--the latter is victorious--I turn Quaker
and recommence my old profession.
If the reader will recall my narrative to his recollection, he must
observe, that religion had had hitherto but little of my thoughts. I
had lived the life of most who live in this world; perhaps not quite
so correct in morals as many people, for my code of morality was suited
to circumstances; as to religion, I had none. I had lived in the world,
and for the world. I had certainly been well instructed in the tenets
of our faith when I was at the Asylum, but there, as in most other
schools, it is made irksome, as a task, and is looked upon with almost
a feeling of aversion. No proper religious sentiments are, or can be,
inculcated to a large number of scholars; it is the parent alone who
can instil, by precept and example, that true sense of religion, which
may serve as a guide through life. I had not read the Bible from the
time that I quitted the Foundling Hospital. It was new to me, and when
I now heard read, by that beautiful creature, passages equally beautiful,
and so applicable to my situation, weakened with disease, and humbled
in adversity, I was moved, even unto tears.
Susannah closed the book and came to the bedside. I thanked her: she
perceived my emotion, and when I held out my hand she did not refuse
hers. I kissed it, and it was immediately withdrawn, and she left the
room. Shortly afterwards Ephraim made his appearance. Cophagus and his
wife also came that evening, but I saw no more of Susannah Temple until
the following day, when I again requested her to read to me.
I will not detain the reader by an account of my recovery. In three
weeks I was able to leave the room; during that time, I had become very
intimate with the whole family, and was treated as if I belonged to it.
During my illness I had certainly shown more sense of religion than I
had ever done before, but I do not mean to say that I was really
religious. I liked to hear the Bible read by Susannah, and I liked to
talk with her upon religious subjects; but had Susannah been an ugly old
woman, I very much doubt if I should have been so attentive. It was her
extreme beauty--her modesty and fervour, which so became her, which
enchanted me. I felt the beauty of religion, but it was through an
earthly object; it was beautiful in her. She looked an angel, and I
listened to her precepts as delivered by one. Still, whatever may be
the cause by which a person's attention can be directed to so important
a subject, so generally neglected, whether by fear of death, or by love
towards an earthly object, the advantages are the same; and although very
far from what I ought to have been, I certainly was, through my
admiration of her, a better man.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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