Atkinson then left me. I had lost about two hundred and fifty pounds,
which included my winnings of the night before. I was annoyed at it,
but I thought of Harcourt's safety, and felt indifferent. The reader
may recollect that I had three thousand pounds, which Mr Masterton had
offered to put out at mortgage for me, but until he could find an
opportunity, by his advice I had bought stock in the three per cents.
Since that time he had not succeeded, as mortgages in general are for
larger sums, and it had therefore remained. My rents were not yet due,
and I was obliged to have recourse to this money. I therefore went into
the city, and ordered the broker to sell out two hundred pounds,
intending to replace it as soon as I could--for I would not have liked
that Mr Masterton should have known that I had lost money by gambling.
When I returned from the city, I found Captain Atkinson in my
apartments, waiting for me.
"Harcourt is doing well, and you are not doing badly, I have let all the
world know that you intend to call out whoever presumes to treat you
with indifference."
"The devil you have! but that is a threat which may easier be made than
followed up by deeds."
"Shoot two or three more," replied Atkinson, coolly, "and then, depend
upon it, you'll have it all your own way. As it is, I acknowledge there
has been some show of resistance, and they talk of making a resolution
not to meet you, on the score of your being an impostor."
"And a very plausible reason, too," replied I; "nor do I think I have
any right--I am sure I have no intention of doing as you propose.
Surely, people have a right to choose their acquaintance, and to cut me,
if they think I have done wrong. I am afraid, Captain Atkinson, you
have mistaken me; I have punished Harcourt for his conduct towards me--
he deserved punishment. I had claims on him; but I have not upon the
hundreds, whom, when in the zenith of my popularity, I myself, perhaps,
was not over courteous to. I cannot _run the muck_ which you propose,
nor do I consider that I shall help my character by so doing. I may
become notorious, but certainly, I shall not obtain that species of
notoriety which will be of service to me. No, no; I have done too much,
I may say, already; and, although not so much to blame as the world
imagines, yet my own conscience tells me, that by allowing it to suppose
that I was what I was not, I have, to say the least, been a party to the
fraud, and must take the consequence. My situation now is very
unpleasant, and I ought to retire, and, if possible, re-appear with real
claims upon the public favour. I have still friends, thank God! and
influential friends. I am offered a writership in India--a commission
in the army--or to study the law. Will you favour me with your
opinion?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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