Adultery -- Fiction; Artists -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction; Painters -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
“Of course I love him.” Her voice shook. “One does not cease all at once
loving somebody one has been very fond of, and one cannot be indifferent
to having caused suffering.”
Gram did not speak at once; he sat down on the sofa, twisting his hat
between his fingers: “I understand that it is very painful to both of
you, but don’t you believe, Jenny, when you think it over, that it is for
the best?”
She did not reply.
“I cannot tell you how pleased I was when I met you and saw what kind of
a woman my son had won. It looked to me as if my boy had got everything
that I have had to renounce in life. You were so pretty and refined, I
had an impression that you were as good as you were clever, strong, and
independent. And you were a talented artist as well, with no hesitation
as to your aim and means. You spoke of your work with joy and tenderness
and of your lover in the same way.
“Then Helge came home. You seemed to change then—in a remarkably short
time. The disagreeable things which are the order of the day in our
home impressed you too much; it seemed impossible that an unsympathetic
future mother-in-law could completely spoil the happiness of a young
loving woman. I began to fear that there was some other deeper cause
that you would see for yourself later on, and that perhaps you realized
your love for Helge was not so strong as you had imagined. Or that you
understood you were not really suited to each other, and that it was more
a temporary emotion which had brought you together. In Rome you were both
alone, young and free, happy in your work; in strange circumstances,
without the pressure of everyday ties, and both with the youthful longing
for love in your hearts. Was that not enough to awaken a mutual sympathy
and understanding even if they did not penetrate to the very inmost of
your being?”
Jenny stood by the window looking at him. While he was speaking she felt
an intense indignation at his words—although he might be right. Yet he
did not understand, as he sat there plucking it all asunder, what it was
that really hurt her:
“It does not make it easier even if there is some sense in what you say.
Perhaps you are right.”
“Is it not better anyhow that you have realized it now than if it had
happened later, when the bonds would be stronger, and the suffering much
greater in breaking them?”
“It is not that—it is not that.” She interrupted herself suddenly:
“It is that I—yes—I despise myself. I have given way to an emotional
impulse—lied to myself; I ought to have _known_ if I could keep my word
before I said: I love. I have always hated that kind of levity more than
anything in the world. Now—to my shame—I find I have done that very
thing.”
Gram looked at her. Suddenly he turned pale—and then crimson. After a
while he said, speaking with effort:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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