Adultery -- Fiction; Artists -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction; Painters -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
The guitar reminded her of Via Vantaggio, and Cesca, and Gunnar, who used
to sit on her sofa with his legs on a stool, strumming on Cesca’s guitar
and singing Cesca’s Italian songs. And she was seized with a sudden,
desperate longing for everything out there. Helge came to her side: “What
are you thinking of?”
“Of Via Vantaggio.”
“Oh yes. What a lovely time we had there!”
She put her arm round his neck and drew his head on to her shoulder. It
had struck her the moment he spoke that he was not a part of that which
filled her heart with longing. She raised his head again and looked into
his amber brown eyes, wishing to be reminded of all the glorious days
in the Campagna, when he lay among the daisies looking at her. And she
wanted to shake off the intense, sickening feeling of discomfort which
always came over her when she was in his home.
Everything was unbearable here. The first evening she was invited to the
house after Helge’s official arrival, when Mrs. Gram had introduced her
to her husband, she had to pretend not to know him, while Helge stood
looking on at this comedy, knowing they had deceived his mother. It
was dreadful—but something still worse had happened. She had been left
alone with Gram for a few minutes and he mentioned that he had been to
the studio to see her one afternoon, but she had not been in. “No, I
was not at the studio that day,” she had answered, turning very red. He
looked at her in great surprise, and almost without knowing why she did
so she blurted out: “I _was_, but I could not let you in, because there
was somebody with me.” Gram had smiled and said: “Yes, I heard quite
distinctly that somebody was moving in the studio.” In her confusion she
had told him that it was Helge, and that he had been a few days in town
incognito.
“My dear Jenny,” Gram had said, and she saw that he was hurt, “you need
not have kept it secret from me. I would certainly not have intruded on
you—but I will say that it would have given me much pleasure if Helge
had told me.” She found nothing to say, and he continued: “I shall be
careful not to tell him.”
She had never meant to keep it a secret from Helge that she had told his
father, but she had not yet been able to tell him—afraid that he would
not like it. She was worried and nervous about all these mysteries, one
after the other.
It is true, she had not told them anything at home either, but that was
quite different. She was not used to speak to her mother about anything
concerning herself; she had never expected any understanding from her,
and had never asked for it. Her mother, besides, was very anxious about
Ingeborg just at present. Jenny had got her to rent a cottage a little
way out of town; Bodil and Nils came to school by train every day, and
Jenny lived in the studio.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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