He was gone; the door of the house was closed behind him; and Tina was
left alone in the ‘old kitchen,’ with her hands tightly clasped, and
her face listening and intent. Some strange excitement was upon her,
that was evident, it seemed like the excitement of fear. As soon as it
was certain that her companion had left the house, she let herself fall
down on a seat, and hid her face in her hands.
Oh! what had she gained by this foolish risk she had encountered, the
most foolish and needless of the many risks of her life--what had she
gained and what might she not have lost if her action should come to
the knowledge of the Squire? She had been so insanely bent on the
perusal of his letter in order that she might find out the mind of Mr
Lee, so certain that her uncle was concocting some plan with her
brother, the knowledge of which she was not to be allowed to share. For
her brother had left the house in the early morning, only leaving a
note to let her know that he was gone; and her suspicions, always ready
where he was concerned, had at once connected his departure with his
visit to Mr Lee. Her mere idle wish to see the outside of the letter
(which had included some indefinite desire as well) had thus been
turned into a craving that she could not control, and that she was
determined to gratify at any risk. And yet when the moment came
she might have been terrified, if only .... only .... it had not been
all so quickly done.
For, oh! it was easy! The letter was badly fastened, and sealed as an
afterthought with a little round of wax; it had not been difficult to
take off the seal and to renew it when the letter was replaced. She had
been excited ... it was that which frightened her, which made her
uncertain of all that she had done, but she was quite sure that she had
fastened the letter carefully and had impressed the wax with the plain
seal Nat had lent to her. If that should be recognised; but it could
not be recognised; and in any case she had returned the seal to him,
not without some conscious impression, as she did so, that his danger
would now be greater than her own. Bah! there was no danger, there
could not be any danger; she had not wished to do any harm to him.
If only the letter had been worth the trouble! for it could not be said
to be of worth in any sense--one single cold reference to the visit of
her brother contained all the information that it gave. And yet she
must really be feeling like a criminal because she had dared to look
into its contents--and Tina leant on the table flushed, throbbing
cheeks, and dark eyes whose brilliancy had gained fresh sparkles now.
She would go to her room and see that all was safe, for absolutely she
did not feel secure! And so, with a murmur of singing, for excitement
made her sing, she left the old kitchen, and stole upstairs to her
room.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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