Mary was left to every terror that can beset a lonely, hysterical
child--terror of Jeremy's fate, terror of Hamlet's loss, terror of her
own crimes, above all, terror of the lonely room, the waving elms and
the gathering dark. She could not move; she could not even close the
door of the wardrobe, into whose shelter she had again crept. She stared
at the white sheet of the window, with its black bars like railings and
its ghostly hinting of a moon that would soon be up above the trees.
Every noise frightened her, the working of the “separator” in a distant
part of the farm, the whistling of some farm-hand out in the yard,
the voice of some boy, “coo-ee”-ing faintly, the lingering echo of the
vanished day--all these seemed to accuse her, to point fingers at her,
to warn her of some awful impending punishment. “Ah! you're the little
girl,” they seemed to say, “who lost Jeremy's dog and broke Jeremy's
heart.” She was sure that someone was beneath her bed. That old terror
haunted her with an almost humorous persistency every night before she
went to sleep, but to-night there was a ghastly certainty and imminence
about it that froze her blood. She crouched up against the hanging
skirts, gazing at the black line between the floor and the white sheets,
expecting at every second to see a protruding black mask, bloodshot
eyes, a coarse hand. The memory of the burglary that they had had in the
spring came upon her with redoubled force. Ah! surely, surely someone
was there! She heard a movement, a scraping of a boot upon the floor,
the thick hurried breathing of some desperate villain...
Then these fears gave way to something worse than them all, the
certainty that Jeremy was dead. Ridiculous pictures passed before her,
of Jeremy hanging from a tree, Jeremy lying frozen in the wood,
the faithful Hamlet dead at his side, Jeremy stung by an adder and
succumbing to his horrible tortures, Jeremy surrounded by violent men,
who snatched Hamlet from him, beat him on the head and left him for dead
on the ground.
She passed what seemed to her hours of torture under these horrible
imaginings, tired out, almost out of her mind with the hysteria of her
loneliness, her imagination and her conscience; she passed into a kind
of apathy of unhappiness, thinking now only of Jeremy, longing for him,
beseeching him to come back, telling the empty moonlit room that she
never meant it; that she would do everything he wanted if only he came
back to her; that she was a wicked girl; that she would never be wicked
again.... And she took her punishment alone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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