"Don’t disturb me. I am thinking," and as she thought the cold
perspiration stood in the palms of her hands and about her mouth, for it
was like tearing out her very life, deciding to give William up, and
bidding him marry another, even though she knew she could never be his
wife.
Jessie Graham was very dear to the poor invalid, as the first and almost
only girl friend she had ever known. Jessie had been kind to her, while
Mr. Graham had been most kind to them all. Jessie would make William a
far more suitable wife than she could. His proud relatives would scoff
at her, and perhaps if she should live and marry him he might some day
be sorry that he did not take the more brilliant Jessie. But was there
any probability that she could live? She wished she knew, and she said
to William:
"Do people always get well if they go to Florida?"
"Sometimes, darling, if the disease is not too far advanced," was the
answer, and Ellen went back to her reflections.
Her disease was too far advanced, she feared, and if she could not live,
why should she wish to trammel William for so short a time, even if
there were no Jessie, and would it not be better to give him up at once?
Yes, it would, she said, and just as William began a second time to
think she had fallen away to sleep she beckoned him to come near, and in
a voice which sounded like the wail of a broken heart, she whispered:
"I have decided, William. You must marry Jessie,—but not till I am dead.
You’ll love poor me till then, won’t you?" and burying her face in his
bosom, she sobbed bitterly. He kissed her tears away; he told her he
would not marry Jessie, that she alone should be his wife; and when she
answered that it must not be, that at the longest she could live but a
short time, he felt in his villainous, selfish heart that he was glad
she was so sensible. He had told her no lie, he thought. He had merely
supposed a case, and she, taking it for granted, had deliberately given
him up. He could not help himself, for had she not virtually refused
him?
By such arguments as these did the wicked man seek to quiet his guilty
conscience, but when he saw how much it had cost the young girl to say
what she had said, he was half tempted to undeceive her, to tell her it
was all false, that story of himself and Jessie,—but gold was dearer to
him than aught else on earth, and so he did not do it. He merely told
her that so long as she lived he should love her the best, but advised
her not to talk with Jessie on the subject, as it would only make them
both unhappy.
"You may tell your mother that I love you, but I would say nothing of
Jessie, who might not like to have the matter talked about, as it is not
positively settled yet, at least not enough to proclaim it to the
world."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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