As I walked towards the Wests', my mind was filled with what my mother
had told me. I held the clue which would have led me to the truth, but
I juggled with myself, and rejected it because the result was
displeasing to me. I had never yet mustered sufficient courage to
speak to Jessie plainly concerning her passion for acting, and what it
was likely to lead to. Many and many a time had I thought of Josey
West's words, 'when Jessie becomes a famous actress,' and of old Mac's
remark that Jessie was destined to occupy a distinguished position on
the boards. These utterances, coupled with the conversation that took
place between Mr. Rackstraw and Jessie on the night of the
performance, were surely sufficient to convince me that Jessie's
visits to the West-end had something to do with her desire to become
an actress; but I would not be convinced, simply because I did not
wish to believe it. Say that Jessie did appear upon the public stage,
and became famous--as I was sure she would become--she would be
farther than ever from me. I caught at one little straw that lay in
the way of the result I dreaded. Mr. Rackstraw had said that there was
a great deal to be learnt, and that it would cost money. Well, Jessie
did not have any money. I magnified this straw into an insurmountable
obstacle which it was impossible for Jessie to get over, and so I
played the fool with my reason.
I found the Wests busy as usual. Jessie was there, learning some
dancing steps from one of the young misses; she blushed as I entered,
and the lesson was discontinued. I had intended to speak privately to
Josey West about Jessie, but within a few minutes of my arrival, Gus
West came in, and I had not the tact to make the opportunity. Josey
informing Gus that Jessie had been taking a dancing lesson, he
proposed that they should go through a minuet; and he and Jessie and
two of the girls performed the old-fashioned dance most gracefully,
Josey West humming the minuet de la cour, while I sat in the corner,
the only serious person in the room. When the minuet was finished,
Josey West called me to her, and addressing me quietly as Mr. Glum,
said she was afraid I was of a sulky disposition. I said I did not
think I was sulky, but that I was very unhappy.
'About her?' questioned Josey, with a sharp look in the direction of
Jessie; but before I could answer, Jessie came towards us, and said
she was ready to go home.
'I did not wish to go,' she said to me, on our way, 'but I saw that
you had something to say to me.'
I answered, yes; that I did wish to speak to her.
'And about something unpleasant, I can see,' she said; 'make it as
short as you can, Chris.'
She was toying with a flower which Gus West had worn in his coat when
he came in. I did not see him give it to her, but that she had it, and
seemed to value it, was like a dagger in my heart.
'Jessie,' I said disconsolately, 'you know how I love you!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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