That night I watched outside the house of the Wests', and made false
the words I had spoken to Jessie but a short time since, when I asked
her if she thought I would play the spy upon her. I was careful that
she should not see me, for, if she did, I felt that I should never
have been forgiven. If I proved my words false, Jessie proved hers
true. Mr. Glover was at the Wests', and walked home with her. I waited
until she was in the house, and then I followed Mr. Glover at a
distance. I had no distinct intention in my mind; I simply felt that I
_must_ follow him; he seemed to draw me after him. I have no doubt
that, if a clear meaning could have been evolved from my whirling
thoughts, and had been shown to me, I should have been shocked at it.
He walked for a couple of miles, and then hailed a cab; after that I
wandered about miserably, without thinking where I was walking,
without thinking of the time. It was only when I found myself on a
bridge six miles from Paradise-row, and heard the hour strike, that I
awoke to consciousness as it were and walked slowly home. The faithful
mother was sitting up for me.
'My darling child,' she said, with a sob of grief at the misery she
saw in my face, 'where have you been? What has kept you out so late?'
I put her from me in silence, and went into my room, and locked the
door. As I did so, I thought I heard the door of my mother's bedroom
above open and close. But I dismissed the fancy, and went to bed with
a heavy heart.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
TURK WEST'S APPEARANCE AT THE WEST-END THEATRE, AND ITS RESULTS.
Early in the morning I watched for an opportunity to endeavour to make
peace with Jessie. My mother had been in great anxiety about me during
the night, and had come down to my bedroom three or four times,
whispering my name at the door; but I pretended to be asleep, and as
the door was locked, she could not enter the room. I passed a
sleepless night, and tossed about in bed, longing for daylight. When
it came, I rose and commenced to work, and even in the midst of my
great unhappiness I found comfort in it, for I loved it. At seven
o'clock I heard my mother calling to me, and I opened my door.
'At work so soon, my dear!' she said, in a tone of exquisite
tenderness.
I answered that I had a great deal of work in hand, and that it would
not do for me to be idle. She sat by my side, and was saying meekly
that her boy must not work too hard, but must take proper rest, when
she broke down. Looking at her, I saw an expression of such yearning
devotion in her pale face, such sweet and wistful love, that, softened
for a moment, I laid my head on her shoulder, and sobbed quietly. Her
tears flowed with mine.
'Ill could help you, dear child!' she murmured.
You cannot--you cannot,' I murmured in reply. Mother, Jessie must not
go out this morning without my seeing her. I _must_ speak to her
alone.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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