"You've had chances enough," said his father, moving on towards the gate
of the churchyard, and glancing round at the tall fellow who lounged
beside him. "It's been a series of failures from beginning to end----"
"I never liked the work," said Charlie, slashing at the grass with his
stick as he walked. "All very interesting to begin with--but a year or
so of it would sicken anyone. Besides, there are easier ways of getting
through the world and making a living. Look at our old friend
Jimmy--Jimmy Larrance."
"What of him?" The rector spoke sharply, for, according to his
information, this was but another erring young man, who had refused to
take advantage of the benefits that had been showered upon him. "What
has he done?"
"Why, without any training, or anything of that sort, he's taken to
writing for the papers--and makes rather a good thing of it. That's what
I ought to have done," added Charlie seriously; "I wanted something that
I could sit down to when I felt in the mood, or--or not sit down to when
I didn't feel in the mood. That's the sort of thing I was cut out for;
it's the sticking to it, whether I like it or not, that upsets me."
In that walk back to the house, where the old man lived practically
alone, the rector endeavoured to impress upon Charlie, with the use of
many platitudes, the necessity for that sticking to it; but without much
effect. For Charlie knew the real state of the case, and his father did
not; Charlie understood only too well the huge pile of debts that hung
like a cloud over certain parts, at least, of that gay London the boy
loved. Only a very small fraction of these had been confessed to; and
even that fraction had been sufficient to disconcert Mr. Purdue. Charlie
had, in a sense, burnt his boats; he could not make that fair and fresh
beginning his father suggested, and he knew that there was no one to
whom he could appeal to help him out of the tangle into which he had
got. The most he could hope for was some temporary assistance, to be
given him until such time as, by some extraordinary freak of Fortune, a
few of his creditors should die or disappear, or some benevolent, but
hitherto unsuspected, relative should leave him a large sum of money.
The talk lasted well into the night; Charlie, lounging in a chair,
seeing the end of his hopes looming nearer with every moment, and his
father pacing up and down his study with short, nervous steps, and
explaining his view of the situation. Gradually, in the sheer
hopelessness of the business, Charlie blurted out some further
confession of the position in which he found himself; was forced in
cross-examination to disclose yet a little more; and so stood, with
nearly everything laid bare before the old man, and himself
grinning--half recklessly, half with relief--at the thought that the
worst was told.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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