He had had to tell her something; he had told her but half. To his
credit let it be put that he breathed no word against Moira; it had
merely been a mistaken marriage, and they had separated immediately. To
his credit, also, be it written that on reflection he decided not to
pose in any heroic attitude before Alice; simply as the pathetic victim
of a blunder. He had not loved Moira, he had said; he had felt pity for
her loneliness, and had married her; that was all. And he remembered now
the tears in the blue eyes, and the pathetic quiver in the voice, what
time Alice had told him that her heart was breaking.
Nevertheless, she had seen Ashby Feak for a few moments that night, and
Ashby Feak had had the good sense not to press his claims at that time.
A day or two later he had met her, apparently by chance, and from that
time all was smooth sailing. She had written a letter to Jimmy--the
letter of an old friend, who dwelt upon the past, but must make the best
of the present; and she had spoken with tenderness of the great kindness
of Mr. Ashby Feak. And after that--with a decent interval--the wedding.
Once or twice, in that time of his great loneliness, Jimmy had tried to
work; had set himself resolutely to it, determining that he would show
everyone the stuff that was in him. But always before him rose two
pictures--the one of the woman he believed he loved, and whom he had
last seen with tears in her blue eyes; the other of the woman to whom he
was tied, living her life quietly and happily, as he believed, in the
country. And at the thought of those two pictures the pen fell from his
hand, and he sought the old consolation.
There cannot be set down here all the incidents of that time--all the
slow processes of neglect and carelessness--all the constant telling
himself, day after day, that there was nothing for which he need strive.
Only in the course of many months certain pictures stand out, and may be
recorded.
A day that arrived when, out of some curious hazy dream, he woke to find
that he had no money--or, at best, not sufficient for the demands upon
him. Which, in process of time, led to his abandonment of those
comfortable rooms of his, and a return to something like those he had
once occupied in a small court in the neighbourhood of Holborn. That was
necessary, for economic reasons; but it did but add to his bitterness
against what he regarded as the cause of it all.
Another day--set much further on in the record--when a play that had
been commissioned, and of which he had had great hopes, was curtly
returned to him, with the intimation that he had failed to work out his
own idea at all adequately; in a savage temper he ripped the pages
across and across, and flung them on the fire.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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