Now this “liddle ole horn”—when Will saw Master Peartree and his
sheep-dog coming along in the evening light—he took to be the
shepherd’s crook or his great umbrella folded, so lengthy did it loom,
and when he perceived that it was what he was expected to perform on, he
was taken aback. It was not that he had not seen coach-horns in plenty,
but he had seen them in their proper environment and at their proper
altitude, their elemental straightforwardness making an exhilarating
right-angle with the guard’s mouth, a sort of streaming pennon. But a
coach-horn in its bare quiddity, quite as tall as the shrunken old
shepherd, and hardly a foot shorter than Will himself, dissociated from
jovial visions of scarlet, rum-soused visages and spanking steeds, was
as ungainly to behold and as awkward to handle as it was difficult to
explain away. Evidently the jade had bought him the largest size on the
market; he knew not whether to be flattered or vexed at her idea of the
appropriately virile. But to send it by this alien hand—to make a
village wonder and scandal of it! How, indeed, was he to explain to the
bucolic mind his sudden passion for the instrument? Flutes and
concertinas folks could understand, even tin whistles; but what could a
man looking round for a farm want with a colossal coach-horn? He was
glad at least he had met Master Peartree out of sight of his parents.
There was a note attached to the case, and he opened it the more eagerly
that it delayed the explanation which Master Peartree seemed to his
morbid vision to be grimly awaiting.
“SIR,—Mr. Daniel Quarles has pleasure in forwarding per favour
of bearer Mr. William Flynt’s esteemed order. Bill enclosed. I
hope you will find the stature agreeable to you—it was only by
casualty I got such a protracted one, and as the compass
protracts with the stature you could easily educe three octaves
from it. Half-tones of course I shall not expect as without
holes only a musical Arabian spirit like my granddaughter can
evoke them, but when you can play the ‘Buy a Broom’ Polka with
concinnity, I shall consider the gloves fairly conquered.
“I remain
“Yours obediently,
“DANIEL QUARLES.
“P.S.—The mouthpiece unscrews being mutable, so I can exchange
it for another, if this does not suit Mr. William Flynt’s lips.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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