Boarding schools -- Fiction; Family life -- New England -- Fiction; New England -- Fiction; Schools -- Fiction
Ah, how welcome it was! how eagerly he read the long pages full of
affectionate wishes from all at home! For everyone had sent a line, and
as each familiar name appeared, his eyes grew dimmer and dimmer till, as
he read the last--'God bless my boy! Mother Bhaer'--he broke down; and
laying his head on his arms, blistered the paper with a rain of tears
that eased his heart and washed away the boyish sins that now lay so
heavy on his conscience.
'Dear people, how they love and trust me! And how bitterly they would
be disappointed if they knew what a fool I've been! I'll fiddle in the
streets again before I'll ask for help from them!' cried Nat, brushing
away the tears of which he was ashamed, although he felt the good they
had done.
Now he seemed to see more clearly what to do; for the helping hand had
been stretched across the sea, and Love, the dear Evangelist, had
lifted him out of the slough and shown him the narrow gate, beyond which
deliverance lay. When the letter had been reread, and one corner where
a daisy was painted, passionately kissed, Nat felt strong enough to face
the worst and conquer it. Every bill should be paid, every salable thing
of his own sold, these costly rooms given up; and once back with
thrifty Frau Tetzel, he would find work of some sort by which to support
himself, as many another student did. He must give up the new friends,
turn his back on the gay life, cease to be a butterfly, and take his
place among the grubs. It was the only honest thing to do, but very hard
for the poor fellow to crush his little vanities, renounce the delights
so dear to the young, own his folly, and step down from his pedestal to
be pitied, laughed at, and forgotten.
It took all Nat's pride and courage to do this, for his was a sensitive
nature; esteem was very precious to him, failure very bitter, and
nothing but the inborn contempt for meanness and deceit kept him from
asking help or trying to hide his need by some dishonest device. As he
sat alone that night, Mr Bhaer's words came back to him with curious
clearness, and he saw himself a boy again at Plumfield, punishing his
teacher as a lesson to himself, when timidity had made him lie.
'He shall not suffer for me again, and I won't be a sneak if I am a
fool. I'll go and tell Professor Baumgarten all about it and ask his
advice. I'd rather face a loaded cannon; but it must be done. Then I'll
sell out, pay my debts, and go back where I belong. Better be an honest
pauper than a jackdaw among peacocks'; and Nat smiled in the midst of
his trouble, as he looked about him at the little elegancies of his
room, remembering what he came from.
He kept his word manfully, and was much comforted to find that his
experience was an old story to the professor, who approved his plan,
thinking wisely that the discipline would be good for him, and was very
kind in offering help and promising to keep the secret of his folly from
his friend Bhaer till Nat had redeemed himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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