East Anglia (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“My boy,” she said in a low voice, “I have been thinking a
great deal of the sad scene which took place in connection with your dear
father’s death, and of my subsequent conduct towards you, and I have come
to apologise to you. I do not know the exact circumstances that led you to act
as you have done,—I may even say that I scarcely wish to know them; but
on reflection I feel that nothing but the strongest reasons or considerations
of honour would have induced you to refuse your father’s last request,
and that I have therefore no right to judge you harshly. This came home to me
when I saw you leaving the room yonder a few nights since, and your face showed
me what you were suffering. But at that time my heart was too frozen with
grief, and, I fear, also too much filled with resentment against you to allow
me to speak. If you can tell me anything that will give me a better
understanding of the causes of all this dreadful trouble, I shall be grateful
to you; for then we may perhaps consult together and find some way out of it.
But I repeat that I do not come to force your confidence. I come, Henry, to
express my regret, and to mourn with you over a husband and a father whom we
both loved dearly,”—and, moved by a sudden impulse of affection,
she bent down and kissed her son upon the forehead.
He returned the embrace, and said, “Mother, those are the first kind
words that I have heard for a long while from any member of my family; and I
can assure you that I am grateful for them, and shall not forget them, for I
thought that you had come here to revile me like everybody else. You say that
you do not ask my confidence, but fortunately a man can speak out to his mother
without shame, even when he has cause to be ashamed of what he must tell her.
Now listen, mother: as you know, I never was a favourite in this house; I dare
say through my own fault, but so it is. From boyhood everybody more or less
looked down upon me, and, with the exception of yourself, I doubt if anybody
cared for me much. Well, I determined to make my own way in the world and to
show you all that there was something in me, and to a certain extent I
succeeded. I worked hard to succeed too; I denied myself in many ways, and
above all I kept myself clear from the vices that most young men fall into in
one shape or another. Then came this dreadful business of my brother’s
death, and just as I was beginning really to get on I was asked to leave the
profession which was everything to me. From the letters that reached me I
gathered that in some mysterious way it lay in my power, and in mine alone, to
pull the family affairs out of the mire if I returned home. So I retired from
the Service and I came, because I thought that it was my duty, for hitherto I
have tried to do my duty when I could see my way to it. On the first night of
my arrival here I learned the true state of affairs from Ellen, and I learned
also what it was expected that I should do to remedy it—namely, that I
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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