On the other hand, she reminded herself, a complete new wardrobe was a
necessity to one whose former outfit was lost beyond recall. Quard would
never have forwarded the clothing she had left behind in San Francisco,
even if she could have found the effrontery to write and demand it. And
if she had expended upwards of five hundred dollars since reaching New
York, there was less extravagance in that than might have been
suspected; she had purchased cannily in almost every instance and, at
worst, but few things that she could well have done without in that
sphere of life to which she felt herself called.
The excitement of unwrapping those parcels which began presently to
arrive in shoals, and of reviewing such purchases as she had not worn to
the hotel on her back, in time completely reassured her. It was with the
composure of restored self-confidence and esteem that she presently went
down to dinner.
Conscious that she was looking her handsome best in a modish afternoon
gown, she was able to receive the attentions of the head-waiter with
just the proper degree of indifference, to order a simple meal and
consume it appreciatively without seeming aware that she dined in
strange surroundings.
But all the while she was consumed with admiration of herself for her
audacity, as well as with not a little awe-stricken wonder at the child
of fortune, who in the space of one brief year--of less, indeed, than
that full period--had risen from the stocking-counter of a department
store and the squalor and poverty of East Seventy-sixth Street to the
dignity of a leading woman and the affluence of lodging at the Waldorf!
True, she now lacked an engagement; but she had to support her demands
for new employment the prestige of a successful season with "The
Lie"--"the vaudeville sensation of the year," as Quard had truthfully
described it.
Need she fret herself with vain questionings of an inscrutable future,
who had made such amazing progress in so short a time?
Surely she was justified in assuming that the end for her was not yet,
that she was dedicated to some far richer and more gorgeous destiny than
any she had ever conceived in her most wild imaginings.
She had only to watch herself: she was her own sole enemy, with her
fondness for the admiration of men and their society. Let them realize
that weakness, and she was lost, doomed to the way too many capable
girls had gone, to the end of infamy and despair. But if only she had
the wit and art to make men think her weakness theirs....
And that much Joan was sure she possessed: she believed she had learned
to know Man better than herself.
She meant to go far, now, a great deal farther than she had ever thought
to go in those quaint, far-off days when the crown of her ambition had
been to paint her pretty face, wear silken tights upon her pretty legs,
and beat a drum in the chorus of Ziegfield's Follies.
XXIX
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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