The meal was of a sort only to be consumed with impunity by optimists
and Italians: a heavy soup, and all one could eat of it, spaghetti
without end, a minute section of lukewarm blotting paper with a remote
flavour of chicken, a salad, cheese and coffee, a half-bottle of
atrocious red wine. Joan enjoyed it immensely; it has been said that her
powers of digestion were exceptional.
Everybody seemed to know everybody else. Conversation was free between
tables. Personalities were bandied back and forth amid intense glee.
Quard, consuming enormous quantities of wine, proved himself a general
favourite, a leading spirit. After dinner he called for a virulent green
cordial (which Joan tasted but could not drink) and later returned to
the wine. Before the end of the evening he became semi-maudlin, and on
leaving exploited a highly humorous inability to walk a straight line.
On the corner of Broadway he halted suddenly, bade the three women a
slurred good night, and without other ceremony swung himself aboard a
Broadway car.
His rudeness excited no comment from the Dancing Deans. They walked all
the way home with Joan, unescorted. Joan was surprised to see by the
clock in the _Herald_ building that it was almost eleven. She thought
she had never known an evening to pass so quickly and so pleasantly.
What little wine she had consumed seemed to have affected her not at
all, beyond rendering her keenly appreciative of this novel experience.
But she suffered the next morning from a slight and, to her,
inexplicable headache.
It was four or five days later before she saw Quard again. He called
early in the evening--but after dinner--and sat chatting amiably with
the women for upwards of an hour before the real purpose of his visit
transpired.
"I was talking to Reinhardt about an idea I got for a sketch, day before
yesterday," he announced suddenly. "But he wanted fifty cash before he'd
touch it, and seeing as it was him slipped me that other lemon, I told
him merrily where he could go and went home and wrote it myself."
"You didn't!" Maizie exclaimed admiringly.
"You bet your life I did," the actor asseverated with conscious modesty.
"Why not? It's no great stunt, writing; and besides it's all old junk
I've done before, only hashed up a new way. All I had to do was to cop
lines out of shows I've played in--sure-fire stuff, yunno--and write in
names of characters. That's nothing."
"Oh, no, nothin' at all!" commented May Dean from her perch on the
window-sill. "What's an author, anyway? Eight to five, girls, he's got
the 'script on him. Get ready to duck."
"Wel-l!" Quard laughed--"you beat me to it, all right." He produced a
sheaf of folded papers, smoothing them out upon his knee. "I just
thought I'd see what you thought of it. If it's any good I'm going to
read it to Schneider tomorrow and see what he'll offer me."
"Who's Schneider?" Maizie asked blankly.
"Agent for the film circuits," Quard replied.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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