653. A gentleman in the West Indies, who had frequently promised his friends to leave off drinking, without their discovering any improvement, was one morning called on early by an intimate friend, who met the negro boy at his door. Well, Sambo, said he, where is your master? Massa gone out, sare, was the reply. And has he left off drinking yet? rejoined the first. Oh yes, sure, said Sambo, massa leave off drinking―he leave off two-tree time dis morning. 654. An Irishman having been summoned to the Court of Requests at Guildhall, by an apothecary, for medicines, was asked by one of the commissioners what the plaintiff had from time to time served him with, to which he gave suitable answers. And pray, said the commissioner, what was the last thing he served you with? Why, your honour, replied the honest Hibernian, the last thing he served me with, please you, was the summons. 655. When George II. was once expressing his admiration of General Wolfe, some one observed that the general was mad. Oh! he is mad, is he! said the king, with great quickness, then I wish he would bite some of my other generals. 656. A sailor who had served on board the Romney, with Sir Home Popham, after returning home from India, finding that wigs were all in fashion, bespoke a red one, which he sported at Portsmouth, to the great surprise of his companions. On being asked the cause of the change of colour in his hair, he said it was occasioned by his bathing in the Red Sea. 657. A physician attending a lady several times, had received a couple of guineas each visit; at last, when he was going away, she gave him but one; at which he was surprised, and looking on the floor, as if in search of something, she asked him what he looked for. I believe, madam, said he, I have dropped a guinea. No, sir, replied the lady, it is I that have dropped it. 658. A prudent poet, about the beginning of the civil, or rather uncivil, troubles for men of his kidney, in England’s rebellious days, was asked as he lay on his death-bed, how he would be buried? With my face downward; for in a short time England will be turned upside down, and then I shall be right. 659. A boy having run away from school to go to sea, his friends wrote to him, that death would be perpetually staring him in the face; to which he replied, Well, what of that? every ship is provided with shrouds. 660. A facetious fellow having unwittingly offended a conceited puppy, the latter told him he was no gentleman. Are you a gentleman? asked the droll one. Yes, sir, bounced the fop. Then I am very glad I am not, replied the other. 661. Why you have never opened your mouth this session, said Sir Thomas Lethbridge to Mr. Gye. I beg your pardon, Sir Thomas, replied Mr. Gye; your speeches have made me open it very frequently. My jaws have ached with yawning.