749. The Duke de Roquelaure meeting a very ugly country gentleman at court, who had a suit to offer, presented it to the king, and urged his request, saying, he was under the greatest obligations to the suitor. The king asked what were these great obligations? Ah! Sire, were it not for him I should be the ugliest man in your majesty’s dominions! 750. Archbishop Laud was a man of very short stature. Charles the First and the archbishop were one day seated at dinner, when it was agreed that Archy, the king’s jester, should say grace for them, which he did in this fashion: Great praise be given to God, but little Laud to the devil. For this sally Laud was weak enough to insist upon Archy’s dismissal. 751. Lord Chancellor Hardwicke was very fond of entertaining his visitors with the following story of his bailiff, who, having been ordered by his lady to procure a sow of a particular description, came one day into the dining-room, when full of company, proclaiming with a burst of joy he could not suppress, I have been at Royston fair, my lady, and I have got a sow exactly of your ladyship’s size. 752. An officer in Admiral Lord St. Vincent’s fleet, asking one of the captains, who was gallantly bearing down upon the Spanish fleet, whether he had reckoned the number of the enemy? No, replied the captain, it will be time enough to do that when they strike. 753. Sir Charles F― received a severe injury one day in stepping into his cabriolet. Whereabouts were you hurt, Sir Charles? said Sir Peter L―; was it near the vertebræ? No, no, answered the baronet, it was near the Monument. 754. Fletcher, of Saltoun, is well known to have possessed a most irritable temper. His footman desiring to be dismissed, Why do you leave me? said he. Because, to speak the truth, I cannot bear your temper. To be sure, I am passionate, but my passion is no sooner on than it is off. Yes, replied the servant, but it is no sooner off than it is on. 755. King James I. mounting a horse that was unruly, cried, The de’el tak’ your saul, sirrah, an ye be na quiet, I’ll send ye to the five hundred kings in the House o’ Commons: they’ll sune tame ye. 756. You are a Jew, said one man to another; when I bought this pig of you it was to be a guinea, and now you demand five-and-twenty shillings, which is more than you asked. For that very reason, replied the other, I am no Jew, for a Jew always takes less than he asks.