1158. A fortune-hunter at Bath, telling Mr. Derrick that he had got an excellent phaeton on the new plan, Derrick answered, I am rather of opinion you got it on the old plan, for I suppose you never mean to pay for it. 1159. An impudent fellow met an unfortunate person who was blessed with a very red nose, and who also squinted; making a stop and looking at him hard, the gentleman asked the reason of his gazing at him, Truly (was the rude answer) if your eyes were matches, your nose would undoubtedly set them on fire. 1160. An attorney riding into the country, was asked what news he brought, and answered, Nothing, but that Marriot (a great eater) was reported to have lost his appetite; to which another answered, Pray God a poor man meets not with it, for if he does it will utterly undo him. 1161. One Brown, of Oxford, ringing in one of the belfrys of the said city, the clapper of the bell he was ringing fell upon his head, and almost killed him; an arch young student seeing his mischance, and conceiving the wound incurable, wrote over against the place where the accident happened, these verses: Here lies John Brown, the University capper, That lived by the bell, and died by the clapper. But Brown recovering, and seeing these verses, wrote underneath― John Brown’s alive, and lives in hope To live by the bell, when thou diest by the rope. 1162. A gentleman bought some articles upon trust at a shop, promising the master that he would owe him so much money for them; the tradesman was therewith contented, but finding that the gentleman delayed the payment, he demanded his money. The gentleman told him he had not promised to pay him; he had, indeed, promised to owe him so much money, and he would in no way break from his word, which, if he paid him, he must do. 1163. One asked why B stood before C? Because, said another, a man must B, before he can C. 1164. How long is the longest letter in the English alphabet, said D’Orsay to Alvanley the other day? An L long to be sure, was the answer. 1165. One said, physicians had the best of it, because they lived by other men’s pains―meaning the griefs and diseases of their patients. 1166. One was saying, he wondered why the people in Ethiopia did not write straight along as the northern people do; he was answered, it was no wonder, for they write under the line, and that is the reason. 1167. The Lord Cecil (who was rather crooked) having gone to much expense in building a superb house, an ingenious architect viewing it room after room, said, there was one great fault committed, which could not be amended. He was desired to explain himself. Why, there is not one room in this house in which his lordship can stand upright.