1199. ― was but of little stature, and dining one day at the royal table, with two scholars, both large men, the king sent him a dish with two large fishes and one small one, bidding him to divide them between himself and the two scholars; upon which, ― laid the two large fishes in his own plate, and sent the small one to the two scholars. His majesty laughing, said, Faith, you are no equal divider. That is your majesty’s mistake, said he, and pointing to himself and the two great fishes, said, Here are two great and one little, and on the other side are one little and two great. 1200. A Franciscan one day mounted on a showy horse, was met by a burgess, who reminded him, that being of the order of St. Francis, he was obliged by vow to follow him, but he went on foot, and you are on horseback. Alas! replied the friar, you have reason to say I ought to follow the holy founder of our order, but ’tis so long since he went before, that it is impossible to overtake him on foot, and it will be hard to do it on horseback, unless I spur along. 1201. Dominico, the harlequin, going to see Louis XIV. at supper, fixed his eyes on a dish of partridges. The king, who was fond of his acting, said, Give that dish to Dominico. And the partridges too, sire? Louis, penetrating into the artfulness of the question, replied, And the partridges too. The dish was gold. 1202. A fool being at church at vespers, and observing that as soon as one of the priests began the office, all the rest fell a singing, presently ran to him and gave him a sound cuff on the ear, saying, We should have been quiet enough, if this brawling fellow had not begun to cry first. 1203. Admiral Duncan’s address to the officers who came on board his ship for instructions, previous to the engagement with Admiral de Winter, was both laconic and humorous―Gentlemen, you see a severe Winter approaching; I have only to advise you to keep up a good fire. 1204. Johnson did not like to be over-fondled: when a certain gentleman out-acted his part in this way, he is said to have demanded of him, What provokes your risibility, sir? Have I said anything that you understand? If I have, I ask pardon of the rest of the company. 1205. A lady meeting a girl who had lately left her service, inquired, Well, Mary, where do you live now? Please, Ma’am, I don’t live nowhere now, rejoined the girl, I’m married! 1206. A tobacconist having set up his chariot, in order to anticipate the jokes that might be passed on the occasion, displayed on it the Latin motto of “_Quid rides_.” Two sailors who had often used his shop, seeing him pass by in his carriage, the one asked the meaning of the inscription, when his companion said it was plain enough, repeating them as two English words, Quid rides.