1236. A worthy gentleman and good scholar had been a long time in disgrace with Queen Elizabeth, the reason I know not, nor am willing to examine; but a friend of his, who was in great favour at court, persuaded the queen to give him an audience. The time came, and after the customary introduction, the queen said, I understand you are a great scholar; may I ask you one question? Anything, madam, said he, that I am capable of resolving. Then pray you, how many vowels are there? Madam, that is a question a schoolboy can resolve, but since you would be answered by me, there are five. Five, said her majesty―well, of these five, which can we best spare? Not any of them, madam, replied he, without corrupting our natural dialect. Yes, replied the queen, I can tell you, for of all these, we can (for our own part) best spare _u_ [you]. 1237. One gentleman objecting to another, that he was the first of his house, the other answered, That I am the first of my house, is so much more to my honour―you are likely to be the last of yours. 1238. One thinking with barbarous Latin to confound a scholar, came and saluted him in these words, _Ars tu fons_, art thou well? To whom the scholar quickly, _Asinus fons asinus tu_, that is, as well as you. 1239. Two fellows purposing a journey, hired a horse betwixt them, to ride by turns; the one laid down half the hire, and called upon his partner for the other half, which he willingly paid; which being done, said he, Mark the conditions between us, which are these―when I ride, then you shall go on foot; and when you go on foot, then I shall ride; that is the condition―will you stand to it? Yes, with all my heart, said the other. So the first mounted and rode the whole journey, and left the other to come on foot after him. 1240. A sleepy waiter, sitting asleep under the pulpit, the preacher beating his desk so hard, that he being suddenly awakened, cried out in a loud voice, Coming, sir, coming. 1241. Two gentlemen having quarrelled in a passage, one of them, wishing to make his escape from the house, asked, How shall I get by you? Get by me! replied the other, what did I ever get by you? 1242. I am going to write a work upon Popular Ignorance, said a young man to a much older person: I know no one more competent, was the reply. 1243. Walpole once persuaded Mrs. Kerwood not to go home by water, because it would be damp after the rain. 1244. Lord Hartington asked the Governor of Rome, what they had determined about the vessel that the Spaniards had taken under the cannon of Civita Vecchia, whether they had restored it to the English? The governor said, They had done justice. His lordship replied, If you had not, we should have done it ourselves. 1245. The late Duchess of Bolton resolved upon going to China, when Whiston told her the world would be burnt in three years.