A scolding wife so long a sleep possessed, Her spouse presumed her soul was now at rest. Sable was called to hang the room in black; And all their cheer was sugar-rolls and sack. Two mourning staffs stood sentry at the door; And silence reigned, who ne’er was there before. The cloaks, and tears, and handkerchiefs prepared, They marched in woeful pomp to Abchurch Yard; When see of narrow streets what mischiefs come! The very dead can’t pass in quiet home: By some rude jolt, the coffin lid was broke, And madam from her dream of death awoke. Now all was spoiled: the undertaker’s pay, Sour faces, cakes, and wine, quite thrown away. But some years after, when the former scene Was acted, and the coffin nailed again, The tender husband took especial care, To keep the passage from disturbance clear; Charging the bearers that they tread aright, Nor put his dear in such another fright. * * * * * Among the fair that Hyde Park Circus grace, Canidia seeks admirers of her face; In vain her airs, her wanton arts she tries, Among those beauties that engage all eyes: Bright rays, like diamonds, they around ’em fling, Whilst she is but the cipher of the ring. _On a Robbery._ Ridway robb’d Duncote of three hundred pounds; Ridway was taken and condemned to die: But for his money was a courtier found, Begged Ridway’s pardon: Duncote now doth cry, Robbed both of money and the law’s relief, The courtier is become the greater thief. _On Suicide: from_ MARTIAL. BY MR. SEWELL. When all the blandishments of life are gone, The coward creeps to death, the brave lives on. _A Dialogue between two very bad Poets._ BY MR. CONCANEN. Says Richard[5] to Joe,[6] thou’rt a very sad dog, And thou canst write verses no more than a log; Says Joseph to Dick, prithee, ring-rhyme, get hence: Sure my verse, at least, is as good as thy sense. Was e’er such a contest recorded in song? The one’s in the right, and the other’s not wrong. [5] Savage. [6] Mitchel. _To a Painter drawing a Lady’s Picture._ BY MR. DENNIS. He[7] who great Jove’s artillery aped so well, By real thunder and true lightning fell; How then durst thou, with equal danger try To counterfeit the lightning of her eye? Painter, desist; or soon the event will prove That Love’s as jealous of his arms as Jove. [7] Salmoneus. _The Choice._ Too conscious of her worth, a noble maid Baulked many a lover, and her mind out-strayed, While yet a peer, less doubting than the rest, Defied her coldness, and attacked her breast. A spaniel whelp, and spaniel lord, declare Their vows to serve, and hope to please the fair; The cautious nymph, still fearing a trepan, Their fortune, wit, and worth, did nicely scan; Then, as the reason of the case is clear, Embraced the puppy, and dismissed the peer. _On a certain Writer._