441. The same lady, coming home one evening, told her husband she wished him joy, for she heard he was to be made a lord. (This was before the death of Queen Anne.) And pray, said he, what did they say was to be my title? My Lord Tariff, replied she, which was a sneer upon him, for having been engaged in settling a tariff of trade which he was thought well skilled in. And why don’t you, when you hear any one abuse your husband, spit in their face? said he. No, I thank you, answered the lady, I don’t intend to spit myself into a consumption. 442. The late Sir John Tash was a famous wine-merchant, and sold great quantities of that liquor, but was supposed to make it chiefly without much of the juice of the grape; therefore Alderman Parsons meeting him one day, saluted him by the name of brother brewer. I deal in wine, Mr. Alderman, said Sir John, and am no brewer. But I know you are, replied the other, and can brew more by an inch of candle, than I can with a caldron of coals. 443. A late archbishop having promised one of his chaplains, who was a favourite, the first good living in his gift, that he should like, and think worthy his acceptance; soon after hearing of the death of an old rector, whose parsonage was worth about 300_l._ a year, sent his chaplain to the place to see how he liked it; the doctor, when he came back again, thanked his grace for the offer he had made him, but said, he had met with such an account of the country, and the neighbourhood, as was not at all agreeable to him, and therefore should be glad, if his grace pleased, to wait till something else fell. Another vacancy not long after happening, the archbishop sent him also to view that; but he returned as before, not satisfied with it, which did not much please his grace. A third living, much better than either of the others becoming vacant, as he was told, the chaplain was sent to take a view of that; and when he came back, Well, now, said my lord, how do you like this last living? what objection can you have to this? I like the country very well, my Lord, answered he, and the house, the income, and the neighbourhood, but― But! replied the archbishop, what but can there be then? But, my lord, said he, I found the old incumbent smoking his pipe at the gate of his house. 444. Two city ladies meeting at a visit, one a grocer’s wife, and the other a cheesemonger’s (who perhaps stood more upon the punctilio of precedence than some of their betters would have done at the court end of the town) when they had risen up and taken their leaves, the cheesemonger’s wife was going out of the room first, upon which the grocer’s lady, pulling her back by the tail of her gown, and stepping before her, No, madam, said she, nothing comes after cheese.