573. Dean Swift knew an old woman of the name of Margaret Styles, who was much addicted to drinking. Though frequently admonished by him, he one day found her at the bottom of a ditch, with a bundle of sticks, with which, being in her old way, she had tumbled in. The dean, after severely rebuking her, asked her, where she thought of going to? (meaning after her death). I’ll tell you, sir, said she, if you will help me up. When he had assisted her, and repeated his question―Where do I think of going to? said she, where the best liquor is, to be sure! 574. A gentleman having engaged to fight a main of cocks, directed his feeder in the country, who was a son of the sod, to pick out two of the best, and bring them to town. Paddy, having made his selection, put the two cocks together into a bag, and brought them with him in the mail-coach. When they arrived, it was found upon their journey they had almost torn each other to pieces; on which Paddy was severely taken to task for his stupidity, in putting both cocks into one bag. Indeed, said the honest Hibernian, I thought there was no risk of their falling out, as they were going to fight on the same side. 575. In the late Irish rebellion, J. C. Beresford, esq. a banker, and member for Dublin, rendered himself so very obnoxious to the rebels, in consequence of his vigilance in bringing them to punishment, that whenever they found any of his bank-notes in plundering a house, the general cry was, By Jasus! we’ll ruin the rascal! we’ll destroy every note of his we can find: and they actually destroyed, it is supposed, upwards of 20,000_l._ worth of his notes during the rebellion. 576. An Irishman being asked which was oldest, he or his brother, I am eldest, said he, but if my brother lives three years longer, we shall be both of an age. 577. A reverend gentleman seeing a fishwoman skinning some eels, said to her, How can you be so cruel? don’t you think you put them to a great deal of pain? Why, your honour, she replied, I might when I first began business; but I have dealt in them twenty years, and by this time they must be quite used to it. 578. A gentleman crossing the water lately below Limehouse, and wanting to learn the price of coals in the pool, hailed one of the labourers at work in a tier of colliers, with Well, Paddy, how are coals? Black as ever, your honour, replied the Irishman.