AN OBEDIENT WIFE.--A Mr. P----n, of Dublin, was one morning boasting among his friends that he had the _best wife in the world_, and the reason he gave was, that _she did every thing that he bid her_. ‘By Jasus,’ said one of the party, ‘I’ll bet a dinner for the present party, that she will not boil a roasting pig.’ ‘Done,’ said the husband. To market a messenger was despatched to buy the pig, the company taking care that the husband should have no means of communication with home. The pig being brought, was sent to his house with this message, ‘that Mrs. P----n was to have the roasting pig boiled, and sent to a certain tavern in time for dinner!’ The messenger, on delivering the pig to cookee, was accosted with, ‘sure now, the master is mad!--boil a roasting pig!--By Jasus, I’ll not boil the pig! Sure and now you have made a big blunder! Boil a roasting pig, indeed! But, however, a pig is a pig, and I’ll take it to the mistress; and sure and now it is a big blunder! Boil a roasting pig! Was ever such a matter as that?’ At the hour appointed came the dish under a cover; and as cookee passed up the room to place it on the table, ‘is the pig boiled or roasted?’ whispered every body in his ear. Not a word spake cookee; but, on uncovering the dish, the roasting pig was boiled sure enough; and Mrs P----n pronounced universally ‘to be the most obedient wife in Dublin.’--(A true story, as Pat would say.) MARCH OF INTELLECT.--A gentleman the other day visiting Mr. Wood’s school in Edinburgh, had a book put into his hand for the purpose of examining a class. The word _inheritance_ occurring in the verse, the querist interrogated the youngster as follows:--‘What is inheritance?’ A. ‘Patrimony.’ ‘What is patrimony?’ A. ‘Something left by a father.’ ‘What would you call it if left by a mother?’ A. ‘_Matrimony._’ What colours were the _winds_ and _waves_ the last tempest at sea? Answer--The winds _blew_ and the waves _rose_. A gentleman walking along Parliament-street, towards the Abbey, overtook a butcher who had a tray filled with sheeps’ heads on his shoulder; the butcher was humming a tune, and his lightheartedness induced the gentleman to observe to him, that he had more brains than most men. ‘Yes, Sir,’ said the butcher, ‘I am carrying them to the House of Lords.’ ‘Aye, aye,’ said a by-stander, they are very much wanted there.